By Nancy Virden (c)2026 AlwaysTheFight.com

Twice, I have heard mental health professionals suggest we can trust someone a little bit without going all-in. I do not know; it largely depends on that person’s track record.

Too often, people confuse godly forgiveness with trust. God has not called us to accept harm as a matter of course, and enabling someone else’s sin is not “kindness.” I grew up when my church taught that nothing should cause divorce. This leaves men and women in abusive situations at a loss for help. I am pro-marriage and pro-faithfulness within marriage. Divorce is not a happy ending, and I believe it grieves God. However, what also grieves Him is watching one of his children shrink into nothing, give up hope, and live unable to be who God created him or her to be.

We are not to live for another person. A spouse can become our “god” when their abusive behavior drives us to doubt God’s Word about our value and miss God’s love or plan for our lives. This is not about disappointing marriages- this is about abuse that robs a person of their sense of identity, freedom to follow the Holy Spirit, and hope.

Should we trust, even a little bit, a person who has proven to be selfish and unconcerned with our welfare? I say no. There are, of course, many complex facets to this, and no formula fits every situation. Consider, though, how close you would want to walk to someone who randomly kicks you in the shin? You would be wary of them at best, and if they kicked you a second time, you probably would avoid them.

Consider the children of unholy marriages (abuse is unholy). If not removed from the poisonous atmosphere, they could end up like two children who grew up with my kids. One died by suicide, and the other is a drug addict. They watched their father abuse their mother for years.

God created marriage for people and not people for marriage. Paul even suggests it is better for some to not marry than to be compromised away from serving God fully. Marriage is to represent the beauty of Christ’s love for His church. No abusive union looks like Christ and his church. No unfaithful union does either. It is a personal decision whether to trust an abuser; I say no, give them a chance to change by holding them accountable. If they do not change, at least you have saved yourself.

Your thoughts?

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Matthew 10:23

Jesus warns his disciples to flee abuse as they ministered in his name.

“When you are persecuted in one town, flee to the next.” 

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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