By Nancy Virden (c)2016
Nila believes. Kyrian believes. Even Rusty probably believes.
Nila lost her temper on the job in an occupation where losing control is especially frowned upon. Consequently, she was sent to anger management classes and therapy for depression. It was in the latter that I heard her speak of her troubles and desire for peace.
Something was missing, though. It seemed that week after week for months, her story remained the same. She spoke of a difficult relationship that grew worse when she reacted in anger. Suggestions on how to react in a more healthy fashion were met with nods and sighs, followed by no change.
Change is hard. We all struggle with it. Nila’s experience was not unusual in that it was complex – fixing her relationship was not her job alone. Nevertheless, I witnessed her unwillingness or inability to try. Nila believed she was a victim. It became her identity.
Kyrian is spending his life in front of his television. His opportunities include higher education, social circles that miss him, and a decent job that pays the bills. Yet he avoids school and friends, choosing instead a pattern of work, TV, sleep, and repeat. Occasionally Kyrian expresses dissatisfaction.
Social anxiety is characterized by episodes of paralyzing fear. Fighting against it is exhausting and means rejecting everything one’s body and brain are saying. Kyrian used to say he wants more for his life. He has defeated many fears in the past. Lately, though, he says he is content. Kyrian believes he is defeated by anxiety.
Rusty’s eyes barely lifted. He was ashamed and humiliated by his father who was abusing him with vicious words in front of me. Rusty was a child who still had a little light in his eyes. Years later, I wonder about adult Rusty and whether he is ever able to see himself in the mirror without hearing his father’s lies. I hope he has learned his value is not defined by a bitter man. Rusty may believe he is nothing.
The line between “stuck” and “free” is drawn at the point of decision. Looking back over my experiences with major depression and anxiety, I recognize my own unwillingness or inability to ask for help. Resignation and false beliefs guided my choices. Finally, from the bottom of the darkest pit of hopelessness, I had to look up and admit maybe I didn’t know everything.
If it were possible to change the past, I would go back and allow people sooner to see what was going on in my heart and mind. That is still our decision today: will we be teachable? Will we accept a healthy perspective? Will we learn how to crucify the lies and find the truth?
No one has to stay stuck. -COMMENTS WELCOME
Today’s Helpful Word
“All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. To the discerning all of them are right; they are faultless to those who have knowledge. Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.” -Wisdom of Jesus
If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!
Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
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