Nancy Virden – AlwaysTheFight.com

(c) 2026 Guest blogger Phyllis Norton is a freelance writer who explores the connection between faith, resilience, and personal growth. Through her writing, she encourages readers to draw strength from their beliefs, navigate life’s challenges with confidence, and find hope in every season of life.

Faith in God and His Son, Jesus, offers many benefits, not only for eternal life but for this one, too. Church community is one of those benefits as described in Part 1 of this 3-part series. Nonetheless, when a message comes from within the church that is not helpful, we can face it with the truth. – Nancy

The Parts That Can Hurt

Honesty requires naming the ways that faith environments sometimes make trauma harder.

Toxic positivity dressed in theological language

“God won’t give you more than you can handle” is not in the Bible in the way people think it is,
and it also isn’t true — plenty of people receive more than they can handle, and the weight
breaks them. When communities require suffering people to find silver linings too quickly, they
often push people deeper into shame rather than healing.

Shame as a healing modality

Some traditions — consciously or not — communicate that suffering is the result of sin, or weak
faith, or insufficient surrender. This is genuinely harmful. Shame is not a healing agent. It is, in
fact, one of trauma’s primary fuels. If your faith community leaves you more ashamed of your
pain, that is a problem with the community, not a problem with you.

Substituting spiritual practice for professional care

Prayer is real. Therapy is also real. These are not competitors. If you are struggling with the
effects of trauma, please don’t let anyone — including well-meaning pastors — talk you out of
also working with a therapist, especially one trained in trauma-informed approaches. God can
work through neuroscience.

Pressure to feel forgiving

Forgiveness is a rich, complex, deeply personal spiritual practice. It is not the same as
reconciliation. It does not require you to pretend that what happened was okay, or to maintain a relationship with someone who harmed you. It is not absolution of the one who hurt you; only God can offer absolution.

The consequences of one’s evil actions are good. If the legal system is involved, let it take its course. It is not your concern to interfere with other natural consequences suffered by the one who harmed you.

Forgiveness in its truest theological sense is about your present and eternal freedom. Forgiveness is commanded, and not lightly suggested. Deciding not to seek revenge is the essence of forgiving and can be a thoughtful once-and-done proposition. Our feelings can take some time, however, even the rest of our natural lives. We choose forgiveness before we feel it. The feelings come later with practice and with every decision not to seek revenge. It is a “renewing” of the mind.

Our active choice not to seek revenge of any kind is meaningful and enough. One must protect oneself from resentment, bitterness, and hate, though, so that is why not feeding on those attitudes is vital. When negative feelings toward the other person bubble up, we take them once again to God and choose, with God’s help, to avoid seeking revenge, even in our thoughts.

Part 3 will help us see how practicing our faith is most helpful during trauma recovery. Stay tuned.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Romans 12: 17-19

 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.  Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
    I will pay them back,”
    says the Lord.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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