By Nancy Virden (c)2026

The Process of Addiction: Addiction begins somewhere in our thoughts: the idea that trying this new thing will bring pain relief, approval, independence, happiness, or escape. So we try it, and it works.

Overwhelm: Eventually, we will be faced with an overwhelming emotion. It may be rage, loneliness, a sense of failure, a sense of purposelessness, or any other deep need that has gone unmet. Maybe we need a reboot on that approval, relief, curiosity, or independence. The temptation is always there now, and it works for the second time.

Temptation: Funny thing about unhealthy coping mechanisms is that they do not last. Some drugs offer only a 15- second high. Yet once we have tried the behavior, drug, or drink of our choosing and it worked, we set out on a lifetime of searching for a comparable experience. Seeking the fix becomes more time-consuming, perhaps expensive, and our lifestyle choices may compromise our values.

Rationalization: There may not be time for this in the moment. A decision was already made that gave us permission to use. Impulsive and desperate, we reach for that safety rail that has, so far, not let us down much. “It’s only this once”, “I can quit tomorrow,” “Life is disappointing; I deserve to treat myself,” “I need this to face a specific event”, “No one understands me: this understands me.”

Addiction Takes Over: When our minds become obsessed with the fix, whatever it may be, we lose control. We act and react compulsively without thinking too deeply about consequences. We hurt people and deny it, usually by defaulting to blame. We may cause great harm to our bodies, to property, to our mental health, and to our families. But addiction owns us, and we cannot quit.

Sobriety: At some point, we admit that we have an addiction and that we are powerless over it. Recovery is usually long and hard. We go to rehabs, 12-step meetings, call our sponsors. We start counting the days: Sober 1 day, abstinent 45 days, clean for 2 years, etc.

The Original Choice Comes Back: Using this will bring pain relief, approval, independence, happiness, or escape, right? Addiction doesn’t always look like sleeping in alleys, deadbeat dads, or absent mothers. Sometimes addiction looks stressed and busy. Addiction may appear successful, smiling, or even moderate. We may be sober, clean, or abstinent for years until another period of overwhelm and impulses tempt us with just once more.

Relapse: Impulsivity may cause it to happen almost before we know it, having allowed our vigilance to relax. Maybe we forget the warning signs and ignore them. Perhaps we find ourselves in the wrong place at the worst time. For whatever reason, we fall back on an old, familiar choice because we remember that it worked.

Shame or Guilt: Oh, the people I have let down. What will my daughter think? Will my spouse leave me? I must hide this; I remember how. This is terrible. I cannot face God. What kind of loser am I? I cannot forgive myself. God must be done with me. Our thoughts hurt us even more. But what if the truth is that, as humans, we make mistakes? Can we give grace to ourselves? God hasn’t given up on us; he is still calling each of us to come to him through Jesus. Instead of I failed, how about what now?

What has worked or might work? Do that. What hasn’t worked or what has tempted you? Avoid that. Spend time with God and supportive people. We can recover from relapse and start counting again. With the strength of The Highest Power, we can succeed.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Zechariah 4:6 (referring to a challenging task)

It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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