By Nancy Virden (c)2023

Excerpted from the FREE e-book, Real Like Us.

Inspired by Matthew 23:15; Acts 7:59-8:3; 2 Corinthians 11:21–12:10; and Philemon 8,9.

Paul of Tarsus, formerly better known as Saul of Rome, sits in his cell, his body aching for lack of movement. An old and weary man, his body bears the scars of tested faith. Over many years of ministry, he has been beaten, jailed, and flogged An angry mob once stoned him until he was almost dead. Pain is no stranger.

Near him sits Micah, a man in his thirties who had once joined a large audience when Paul was preaching. Eagerly, he listened as Paul detailed the story of Jesus and God’s plan to save all humans from eternal darkness. That same night, Micah had tried to share this good news with his brother-in-law who promptly and angrily began to persecute him.

Now, the teacher and convert face each other, having never met before. Micah speaks softly so as not to be heard by others. “I know Jesus too because of you.”

Paul smiles; his wisdom is hard-earned. “That is good to know, brother,” he says. After a moment, he sighs. “You have a long life still ahead of you, God willing. I am almost done.”

“I want to be like you.” Micah is fervent in his whisper. “I can only hope to have your strength of courage, your faithfulness! I am not that good.”

“I am not good either.” Paul stretches his back and groans. “Made the mistake of thinking I was once.”

“I know you used to be a Pharisee.”

“Son,” Paul says, “I smirked and felt superior for being extraordinarily good at my religion. Performing was my talent, playing the part of one who knew everything.”

His tone flattens, deep in regretful reverie. “Oh, I’ve turned broken people away—shooed them on because they didn’t agree with the ‘right’ rules. People confessed their sins, and I thought, I’m glad
that’s not me. When young peasant Jews did not change their ways fast enough or as old ones stood on outdated principles, I played the judge. After all, I had understanding! I knew God and his will!”

“But that is all in the past. You have lived an honorable life!” Micah is intent on praising his hero.

“A blind beggar once stopped me on the street and asked if there was anything for which I had trouble forgiving myself.” Paul shakes his head and looks at the ground. “God help me, I was denying my sins so
strongly that I said no even as I refused to give him any money for food.”

Both men are silent. Micah scratches at his beard, pondering the confession that is adding more heaviness to the already dank air. Paul wipes a tear from his deeply creased face.

“I had it all, son. Had it all. Prestige, respected parentage, a deeply traditional upbringing—I was a skillful representative of obedience to the rules. No one could fault me for not protecting Yahweh’s name and the Law while I hunted down and murdered his Son’s followers! No, I am not good. My goodness turned young Jewish converts into twice the son of hell I was.”

Micah tries to absorb each word. Paul has traveled extensively, built numerous churches, and brought the message of salvation to countless crowds. He represents strength and boldness. Why, Paul is
Christ-like! The greatest Christian of all!

Recognizing in Micah’s demeanor a familiar idealizing, Paul remembers that people drawn to his celebrity status are quite as he had been as a child. He revered his Pharisee father and his father’s
peers. “My religion shielded me from the truth,” he adds. “When Jesus exposed what I had been doing, and who he truly is, that wall fell down. No longer do I teach or worship without an intense appreciation for mercy because I perceive that empty judgment seat of Paul. I ask God every day not to allow me to go back there.

“Micah, five times I received the forty lashes minus one. Three times beaten with rods, once pelted with stones, three times shipwrecked, spent a night and a day in the open sea, and have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, bandits, and religious people who hate Jesus. There has been danger in the city, the country, at sea – everywhere in danger from false believers.

Paul continues. “I have labored and toiled and often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?

“Listen closely to my point, young man. Compared to all the torture and threats I have endured, nothing pierces my heart so painfully as the memory of being good.”

Sounds of coming guards cause the two men to sit up straight. Paul studies his ardent counterpart who is already suffering for the faith.

“Until Jesus stopped me, I had not been the broken one, son. My Lord made me blind so I would want his eyes, weak so I would ask for his strength. Then he forgave my many sins and granted me
the privilege of suffering for his sake.

“Micah, I urge you,” Paul pressed. “Do not be good. Be surrendered.”

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 29:25 esv 

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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