The Doctor Said (My New Not-so-wanted Saga): The Fading

By Nancy Virden (c)2023

The Doctor Said (My New Not-so-wanted Saga): Introduction Misdiagnosis Darkness Again? Not My Fault Comic Relief Diagnosis and Trust

Today I am content because I get to go shopping! Shopping therapy is a real thing if the consequences are not bitter. I am searching for specific items for a gift and it is fun.

Materialism, however, is not fun. It is burdensome and heavy. Materialism shortens our ability to love because there is a constant eying of things, a discontentedness that raises envy. Materialism prevents living in true joy because we are on the hunt for the next best thing to make us happy.

A little over a year ago I moved, selling a home and giving away all its stuff in exchange for some space in another person’s house. There is no room for new things. I am learning (still) to be content with the order and design of this home. Just because something is not how I would arrange it does not mean it is a big deal. I want my ability to choose joy to be strong, which is growing.

Today I see my life is not how I would have arranged it. Difficult childhood and marriage, divorce, broken family relationships, bipolar disorder, major depressive episodes, suicide attempts, G.A.V.E., and now Sjogren’s. So what? I will not relish in self-pity anymore. My life’s challenges are nothing compared to some people’s. I will not forget the little girl being raised in prison alongside her mom in a misogynistic country where mercy is rare. Nor will I forget the woman whose suicide attempt scarred her face permanently and she struggled to be accepted in a beauty-obsessed society. People all over suffer for a variety of awful reasons. You have, too.

I am blessed to know Christ Jesus as my Savior and Lord. He makes all the difference. I have hope not only for strength and joy in this life but also for eternity. People say life is “too short for…” fill in the blank. Life is not short; it is eternal. I am blessed that this world is fading away from me in the sense that I do not look to it for permanent answers anymore. Having experienced overwhelming emotional pain and losing almost everything I thought I was or had, has softened me to accept others as-is. My love is healthier and less needy.

A therapist once said to me, “I know what this feels like and I want you to have it.” Well, a similar wish is one I have for you, dear reader. Please give up expecting the things of this world to satisfy you, and live.


Today’s Helpful Word

1 John 2:17

And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.


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