I Didn’t Fall Off the Wagon; It Dumped Me!

By Nancy Virden (c)2020

Lately, I’ve fallen off the wagon eating-disorder-wise. On the surface, it may look like I need a simple solution. Nonetheless, if a simple solution could work for me, it would have by now.

That is no excuse; it is reality. For some of us, food has become a much deeper issue than a diet can fix. My issues with food are both an eating disorder and an addiction. There are many solutions that combined, have set me free before.

People may say that not eating normally is purely rebellious and must be confessed as sin.  I do not disagree except for the “purely”. Others may say it is only a mental obsession, lack of self-control. That’s true, except for the “only”. Still, others will claim there is no such thing as addiction when it comes to food. That is a big mistake.   

Truth is, we end up in trouble – that is, all people do – when we allow something or somebody to be more central in life than God and His Word. Even though I have fallen into that category, you will not hear me adding only or purely to the statement that a return to righteous priorities is the answer. 

In the Bible, a man who had been born blind was given a miraculous gift of sight after Jesus put mud on his eyes and told him to wash it off. Another blind man, Bartimaeus,  simply asked to see, and Jesus healed him. Lame people were made whole at Jesus’ simple words, “Get up and carry your mat.” Yet one woman who had been bleeding for 12 years merely touched his robe and the bleeding stopped. Coins showed up in a freshly caught fish, Lazarus’ dead body revived when Jesus called his name. 

Yes, the only eternal solution to our problems of any size is repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Yet there are as many ways he helps as there are people.

My brother, three years older, pulled a tiny wagon with his tricycle. I rode in it between the ages of one and two. It worked like a seesaw though. He would get off the tricycle and backward I went, hitting my head on the floor. Repeatedly.

Yes, I can truthfully say, the wagon dumped me. I wish that excuse worked now. 

Someone active in addiction can say aloud, “I’m going to stop this” and simultaneously continue to use.  An addiction is different than other kinds of  self-medication or escape mechanisms because once addicted, a person cannot quit. Seriously, cannot. Willpower never does the job for long. 

Once addicted, always addicted. Take that at face value and do not add words I did not say. I did not say once addicted always a drunk. Or once addicted always compulsive.

The key to beating an addiction is a higher power and a strong, involved, intensely supportive network. Jesus is the Highest Power. His support is everything, yet not the only thing. If we accept him as Savior of our souls, he will put the exact answers we need in our path. We get to choose or ignore them. He led me to the right people who could help, and that is how I recovered the first time.  

Where I am now is in need of a Savior. Jesus has already saved my soul, now I need him to help me outrun this eating disorder and addiction to food. I know my request for help will be met with mercy and answers.

I’d love to be one he just speaks to and suddenly I am free. It may be that he needs to splash me with mud first. I trust him to know the best way. 

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 103:9-14

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.


Nancy Virden Seminar, May-2016
Photo Joe Boyle Photography

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair.


NOTE: I am not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.., Carlo Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved












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