“What if you find a friendship that is significant, meaningful and lasts?”

Always the Fight Ministries: Displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse. (c)2019 Nancy Virden

In a bout against depression in 2011, sure that no one loved me (a false perception on my part), I complained to a therapist that I was permanently alone. He said, “What if you find a friendship that is significant, meaningful and lasts?”

Background

It is true although I hate to admit it now, that in the past friends of mine were hurt because in fear of them leaving, I would leave them first. In order to live with these decisions, I had to make up reasons for dumping friendships. Excuses came easily. It was simple; people failed me.

I developed a self-righteous standard by which to measure everyone. If a friend missed the mark one too many times, the friendship was over. Never mind that I blindly failed to meet my own standard every day.  

At the time, I was unaware of the wrongness of my thinking. Not wanting to continue past mistakes, instead of leaving I clung to actually unhealthy friendships.

The Miracle

Today, a friend called and basically invited herself to my house. That is not how I saw it though. To me, a real friend had reached out because she wanted to see me. Not once did I judge or fear her. It was a meeting of two healthy-minded and emotionally stable women. It was comfortable.

This afternoon was miraculous. To be truly present instead of worrying about whether she would stop being my friend – remarkable. Accepting her acceptance and not questioning it – incredible. Experiencing pleasure at her last-minute self-invitation – freeing.

Finding a new life late in life is a miracle. Recognizing the whole truth after decades of denial is one too. Going beyond wishing, to creating an atmosphere of safe friendships is amazing. Miracles are unexpected and impossible solutions. Adjusting to change is definitely one of those.

Makers of miracles

People invested a lot of time and energy into my wellbeing. These professionals knew what to ask and how to guide me to healthier thinking.

Old friends stayed close too, encouraging me along the way.

I participated in this miracle by working hard at change. Propelled by differing motives, I followed therapists’ suggestions and remained teachable.

Ultimately, miracles are God’s department. I know he sent me to the right help at the right time. I know he gave me the energy to try and stay in touch with friends. He led me out of despair by reminding me it is he who always cares and never leaves. He opened my mind to root causes of emotional issues.

He set me free.

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 34:3-5  
Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness; let us exalt his name together. 
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. 
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

 

*** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME
NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. (for international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

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