Tough Life? 3 Steps to Losing a Victim Mindset – Part Two

Always the Fight Ministries: Displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse. (c)2019Nancy Virden

Recognize the whole you 

We are human first. We think, feel, and make choices. As children, processing negative experiences is not easy.  Emotions may rule the day.  Sometimes coping mechanisms that are necessary and useful in childhood serve as chains to the past later on. 

When we are harmed as children, we may truly fit the definition of a victim. As we gain in power and aptitude, we have more options. One of those is to trade-in the victim mantle for that of a capable and insightful adult. 

For some, victimhood is an identity.  That seems reasonable when “victim” is the only sense of self that was allowed to develop.  If that is you, it may take hard work and willingness to listen to more positive perspectives before finally seeing your complete picture.  

I know one man who uses childhood experiences as his excuse for abusing others. This type of logic is flawed and must stop.  “I can’t help it” serves as his way of avoiding responsibility.  Not everyone uses victimhood as a license to cause harm!  

Others may utilize victimhood as a powerful means for enticing people to meet their needs and wants.  Probably this looks much like manipulation.  If this is the way you learned to have your needs met, it makes sense, yet can change. 

Asking for or demanding sympathy is a way to try and force love.  This is useless because real love does not need to value a person for their pain. Your question may be, “Who am I if people do not offer sympathy?” Finding the answer is such a relief.  I was asked once if I wanted to be valued for being depressed. No! I want instead to offer something worthy to the world and to those around me.  

Finally, forgive yourself for any thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and choices you believe may have made you guilty in some way. You did not victimize yourself. The victim-maker had only one goal – to satisfy his or her selfish ambitions by using another human to their advantage. 

With that in mind, try to separate your identity from their thoughts about you. They did not see you, but only a handy means by which to temporarily rid themselves of what burned inside them. 

Ultimately, we are responsible for how we choose to continue living.  It may require help, nonetheless, you are free to break off the victim mindset and identity to show us the whole wonderful you. 

 Today’s Helpful Word

Ephesians 3:16-19

I pray that out of [God the Father’s] glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.


NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. (for international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!


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