And Anxiety Comes ‘Round Once Again…

Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2017 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

Frozen. Upset stomach. Butterflies. Yes, that’s it, butterflies.

Monstrous, warring butterflies.

Racing heart, pounding head, quivering hands – you see the signs and know something is up, but what?  You berate yourself again. “I shouldn’t feel like this. There’s nothing so scary going on I can’t handle it.  This is ridiculous.”

Oddly, it would seem better if anything but anxiety was the problem.  “Maybe I’m having a heart attack. Should I go to the emergency room? Nah, I know what this is – it’s an anxiety attack.”

Difference between nerves and anxiety

When I am scheduled for a public appearance or radio interview (oh let’s be honest – almost any social event), I feel the butterflies.  Like many of us, I fear saying something stupid.  When I am speaking to an audience, my greatest concern is that I not say anything that would cause someone else pain. In general social interactions, that concern is more ego-centric. I do not want to cause myself embarrassment.  

Being able to define pre-public appearance anxious thoughts is different from the rising unsettled feeling as described at the top of this blog post. For me, this disordered anxiety comes post-public appearances, sometimes a day or two later.  It seems there is no cause and comes from nowhere. Within minutes sometimes, I am forced to adjust the day’s plans to make room for dealing with disabling anxiety. 

What works for me to ward off disabling anxiety

I have had some panic attacks, however only once have I gone to the ER thinking there was something wrong with my heart.  Not listening to my emotions and asking questions of them on a regular basis leads to anxiety attacks. For example, not pursuing the why of my tension, waiting for it to go away, denying there is anything upsetting going on or that I have the right to feel upset, leads to depression and anxiety. 

Once it has gone that far, I have to dig my way out.  For any of us with anxiety, it is simpler (and healthier) when we acknowledge life’s struggles and the emotions that go with them before they grow into monsters.

Monstrous, warring butterflies.   

Today’s Helpful Word

Romans 8:38

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.


Comments are always welcome (see tab below).  NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.

If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.

*butterfly heart by NELLA, cross pic by BA1969 – on



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