Compassionate Love:Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness (c)2014 Nancy Virden
Do you question the value of living? If so, this message is to you.
Recently I saw this quote on Facebook and decided to pass it along… “Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.” -Bill Murray
For those of us who struggle with Major Depression and suicidal thinking, this joke can be a serious consideration. You and I repeatedly beat our record of number of days alive. We can go on. Continue. One step at a time, staying alive is possible.
But there have been too many losses and more are to come.
Nothing God could want of me is worth all this pain.
No one cares. They’ll be sorry after I’m dead.
I’ve done too much wrong. I do not deserve to live.
My life is not meaningful. Nothing I try works out.
To an outsider (one who has not been in such despair) it may seem like an easy fix to just stop feeling sorry for ourselves. However, we understand it is so far beyond self-pity, it is unrecognizable as such.
Pain becomes reality. It is all we feel, breathe, hear, and see. Our emotional skin is so raw that tiny events such as a person looking at us from across the grocery store aisle can trample us in the bottom of the pit. She seems happy, I will never be happy.
I was told I could come out of that mindset, rediscover life’s meaning and learn to enjoy being alive. I did not believe that statement. At best, it occurred to me my life may produce some good but pain made it pointless. So how did I get to this place three years later where the future seems positive? I am looking forward to upcoming events, expecting good, still practicing strategies that raise my mood, and …dare I say it… hoping.
One step at a time. That’s how.
I learned to accept that my needs can be met and it is not selfish to make that happen. I do not have to be a victim of circumstance. I heard for the first time that I have some control over how I feel based on how I choose to think. One by one, decisions for life piled on top of each other until they became my reality.
For whatever reason, joy follows close after despair. It’s like stopping at a dead-end street only to discover it continues past a few crowded trees. We may not be able to see beyond our feelings and experiences, but we can choose to believe people who tell us the road is on the other side.
Please believe me. Let’s break the record of consecutive days without dying again tomorrow.
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK
NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.
If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Hope and help can be yours.
*picture from facebook.com