By Nancy Virden (c)2026 AlwaysTheFight.com

Dear Creeper,

You have stalked me since I was young.  I played hide-and-seek innocently, believing you and the powerful forces that drove me to you were normal and right. I did not understand that you were a creeper. Your presence felt like a gift, an experience for which I was grateful. You were a predator, but I thought you were fun.

Then one day I saw you abusing another confused captive and grew frightened. You were still wanted, just not trusted. I was able to leave you behind and feel confident in my power to go on alone. Nonetheless, your cajoling eventually grabbed my attention, and my behavior changed according to your promises of the hour. Sometimes I wanted to run and hide from you, and would plead to God to make you leave. Most often though, I wanted you and I to go away together and hide from the world.

You and I became inseparable. Your lies were soft and comfortable compared to such a harsh world; eventually I came to believe everything you had to offer was for protection. No one could persuade me you were not my only friend.  I decided our relationship was no one else’s business, knew I’d given control over to you, and consciously believed I deserved whatever loss of health or relationship you had in store for me. Unaware you’d become my god, I moved forward in a conflicting haze of pride and self-loathing.

Remember how I used to panic when you were not in sight? I’d turn over the house, then the neighborhood, then outside towns to find you. I’d make calls, drive to pick you up, pay helpful people as they smiled and handed you over, and generally appease any undesirable guilt or shame by burying the next hours under your spell.

Before your true nature was fully revealed, I thought you were the dangerous sort. What went unnoticed was how you had selected to chase after me when I did not believe in self-worth. You took advantage of my ignorance and weakness and promised all the love and affection and safety that did not exist for me otherwise. As birthday after birthday passed, I offered into your devilish hands the privilege of owning my feelings.

You taught me that by soothing my discomfort, lying, denying, acting, and withholding are the means of survival. Well, I see the real you now. You have never been my friend; you are my stalker, a creeper, the one who has brought me to the edge of a cliff and threatened to push. You are abusive, mean, deceitful, and defiant.

Because of you, I have lost years of well-being. Joining hands with you in my destruction may still cause me hardship. You cheered me on in my games of life versus death, and, almost like Russian Roulette, you have unpredictable consequences.

You may never let me go. That is why I am walking away. I let YOU go, and in your place is a growing peace, the kind that comes from my real God, my Savior Jesus Christ.  He truly loves me for me and, instead of plans to destroy my inner child, will heal her. I could say it’s not you, it’s me, but this break–up is all about you. Without you, I can BE me.

Goodbye from Not-Your-Victim

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

John 3:31-32

Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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