By Nancy Virden (c)2026

It never fails to surprise me when people go back on their word. Hopefully, health challenges, both mental and physical, have taught me not to guarantee anything. While honoring my word is a priority, it is easier to avoid making promises altogether.

Jesus taught us to avoid oath-making. That is why, in my Quaker (Evangelical Friends Church) upbringing, members would not swear on the Bible in court. Instead, they affirmed their duty to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Jesus explains that to vow (make an oath) is to emphasize that this time I’m telling the truth. People often begin sentences with, “To be honest…” which serves the same purpose. Jesus’ point is that truth is to be our natural instinct, our disciplined choice. No one should have to doubt us when we speak.

He said in Matthew 5:33-37, “You have also heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.’ But I say, do not make any vows! … Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.”

The ‘evil one’ Jesus refers to is the chief of liars, Satan. (In case you wonder why there is evil in the world, here is the source of it!) John 8:44 quotes Jesus: “He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

That’s a strong rebuke! In Hebrews 6: 13-18, we read that God is the truth-teller. “Since there was no one greater to swear by, God took an oath in his own name… So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie.”

Truth-telling is a reflection of God.

Not all untruths are lies, however. We can believe something false and tell it with good intentions. We can mean what we promise, but life gets in the way. Here are three examples of why we may not keep our word.

1. We cannot foresee the future. Circumstances change, people change. An appointment with a professional plumber to fix your faucet may be canceled because you have come up short on funds. No one in New York City expected 9/11 to occur. Plans can change due to unplanned interruptions.
2. We need to keep to our boundaries. If someone keeps crossing our communicated boundaries, we have to ask ourselves if staying in this relationship is worth it.
3. We learn a new fact. Promising to financially support a charity only to later discover that they are irresponsible with donations is a healthy reason to stop.

Communication is the key to maintaining truthfulness under any of the above situations. Ghosting, or failing to inform the one to whom you made a promise, makes matters worse. Not knowing causes them stress. No shows are frustrating. Budgets go askew. Cancellation may be taken personally, feeling like rejection or even betrayal. Formal, generic notices may seem cold and disrespectful depending on the relationship. As long as it is up to you, be sincere and kind.

To tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is worth undertaking as a matter of character, compassion, and godliness.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 33:4-5 

 For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does. He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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