Nancy Virden (c)2025

Today’s guest blog is by Lauren Bodziony. As a nurse, she created and writes for a newsletter distributed in the rehabilitation center where she works.

As in a car race, a red flag is a warning to stop immediately. Is there a formula to differentiate between a red flag in a potential relationship or only a flaw in another imperfect human?

When deciding whether someone is unsafe, there’s no getting around the reality that we have to do a little “judging”. It’s okay. A better word may be “discerning”. We must assess their behaviors and decisions consistently in a variety of settings and circumstances to discern whether their patterns are ones we can trust or not.

First, let’s explore the difference between responsibility and morality. A friend who is always late to pick you up for meetings has established a pattern of irresponsibility that you can count on as a personality defect. However, you don’t have to rule her out as a good friend. On the other hand, a friend that you frequently notice is twisting the truth has more of a morality issue. Even if she shows up 10 minutes early for everything, you can’t truly count on her as safe, because she has proven to not value truth.

This is a red flag and should be heavily weighed when forming safe spaces for growth and recovery. Many of us have experienced abandonment, and deep down, we covet stable relationships. We all want to be “ride or die” friends and lovers, but there comes a point where we have to count our losses and use wisdom. When we see red flags, we need to detach.

Often, we excuse and compromise our own safety and mental health when “words of affirmation” is our love language. A flood of compliments and lovebombing is all it takes for us to overlook moral issues in a person because we legitimately need that hit of affirmation. In this instance, it’s imperative that we give connections time and that we guard ourselves from being flattered too quickly.

When we allow ourselves to slow down and be honest with ourselves about what we are seeing, we learn the art of discernment. It’s actually a gift that God gives us when we seek wisdom. Red flags are more than just signs that someone isn’t good for us; they are opportunities for us to regain grounding in truth in our own lives and to avoid being hijacked by those who aren’t committed to morality yet.

If you get that check in your spirit, aka the “ick”, take heed and move in a different direction.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 90: 14-17

 Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.
Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
    Replace the evil years with good.
 Let us, your servants, see you work again;
    let our children see your glory.
 And may the Lord our God show us his approval
    and make our efforts successful.
    Yes, make our efforts successful!

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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