By Ruzanna Tovmasyan 2025. Edited for clarity by Nancy Virden 2025

The following is a guest blog by Ruzanna Tovmasyan, an up-and-coming comedienne and actress. You can find Ruzanna on: Facebook IMDB Instagram and website

Turning 34 really led me to spend time reflecting on my life thus far. I’ve been reflecting on the impact our words have, not just on others, but on our own brains. One habit I’ve recognized in myself is a tendency to default to complaining or negativity. It’s something I no longer want to participate in. I’m sharing this in case anyone is in a similar season.

Science shows that chronic complaining actually rewires the brain to default to negativity. It releases stress hormones like cortisol, shrinks the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving, causing us more anxiety over time. It even activates the amygdala more frequently, keeping the body in fight-or-flight mode and weakening the immune system. It causes chronic inflammation in the brain and body, contributing to autoimmune conditions, cardiovascular disease, digestive issues, fatigue, joint pain, and even memory problems.

I’ve noticed how much this affects my energy, creativity, and peace. And honestly, I don’t want to keep reinforcing those neural pathways anymore.

There’s a difference between processing and complaining. Processing leads to healing, clarity, open feedback, and growth. Complaining tends to rehearse pain without a desire to change, and keeps us stuck.

Another mistake I’ve made is expecting friends to be able to handle hearing hard, heavy things all the time, when people literally have to go through years of training to know how to do that. It activates my friends’ stress or trauma, which can make them feel emotionally burned out or anxious. It can create an imbalance and build resentment in the other person, especially when they struggle to place boundaries due to their empathy. Because my nervous system is so activated, I can shut out their feedback, which can create even more issues within that friendship.

Friends can comfort and support us, but they are not our personal free therapists. As I heard a professional therapist say once, it can cause a fracture in the relationship because it overburdens them emotionally.

It’s easy to feel hurt by this, perhaps wishing for friends who don’t see us as a burden. However, that’s not what is happening here. We are not the burden; it’s the content that is so emotionally heavy it becomes burdensome. Our friends don’t have the tools to navigate all of that, nor should they.

It’s essentially not our friends’ responsibility to hear our trauma and negativity regularly and help us through it; that’s what professional therapists and coaches do. Friends are for presence, empathy, fun, and shared life together. It’s an inconvenient truth, but it’s the truth. It’s a truth I wish I had understood a long time ago.

To anyone I’ve unintentionally overburdened, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t yet have the tools to see the impact it might’ve had. If you needed distance, good for you for protecting your peace. Honestly, I probably would’ve done the same.

I’ve decided to make a personal shift: I’m committing to not complaining, not because life is always easy, but because I want to steward my mind, my words, and my atmosphere with intentionality.

That doesn’t mean I won’t have hard days or real emotions. It means only I’m choosing gratitude when tempted to spiral, healthy reflection with no judgment, and growth. It’s a choice! What freedom in knowing we have a choice!

Gratitude, by the way, literally reshapes your brain. In just 21 days, journaling what you’re thankful for has been shown to strengthen the neural circuits connected to joy, empathy, and emotional resilience. It also strengthens relationships by increasing trust and emotional safety, two keys to long-term happiness. Gratitude, prayer, laughter, and mindfulness lower inflammatory pathways and promote pair and repair in the body and brain.

It makes sense why the Bible tells us to rejoice always and in all circumstances; it literally is for our well-being and survival. It will help to pull you out of a low mood and sense of hopelessness (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:4).

If you’ve been feeling drained or stuck lately, this might be something to consider. I understand trauma is a real thing, I’ve experienced enough of it and gotten to the other side of it to tell you, gratitude fuels hope. I’m not talking about using fake positivity as a means to avoid difficult things; I’m saying we can recognize the hard thing, trust He will take care of it, and rejoice anyway.

Here’s to cultivating peace, perspective, and powerful thought habits. #healingbrain

COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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