By Nancy Virden (c)2025
The term gaslighting comes from the title of a play produced in the 1930s. “Gas Light” tells the story of a husband who tries to convince his wife she is mentally ill by dimming the gas lights in their home and pretending he sees no change.
When someone attempts to gaslight another person, they sabotage, deny, and lie. If a difficulty is the gaslighter’s fault they blame you. “I do not know where your purse is. You must have lost it.” Meanwhile, the gaslighter has hidden the purse.
A second example is when the gaslighter increases your stress such as criticizing your driving, making you nervous behind the wheel. Then the gaslighter says, “You don’t focus. No wonder you need me to drive you everywhere.”
Gaslighting is a manipulative tool used to cause a victim to question his or her perceptions, memories, and reality. It undermines self-confidence and trust in one’s own judgment.
A doctor tells you to pick up a prescription. The gaslighter tells you no. When the doctor calls for an explanation, the gaslighter tries his tricks on the doctor. “She never told me,” he lies. Stories like this are endless, and it can take years for you to recognize what is happening.
Look at the examples again. How do you gaslight yourself?
- Believing the gaslighter’s lies. Maybe I did lose my purse.
- Settling for the gaslighter’s blame. He’s right, I am a lousy driver.
- Accepting his offers of heroship with gratitude. What would I do without you?
- Covering for the gaslighter to others. He didn’t realize…it was my fault… he’s a good man
- Falling for the idea that you need this person’s love and respect to support your self-worth. “He will treat me better if I get this right.”
Do you blame yourself for troubles in your relationship? Do you feel weaker now than when you met this person? Has anxiety become tougher to handle and more frequent? Is all the problem because you are mentally ill, low of character, fatalistically flawed, dumb, or absent-minded? The list of accusations we can leverage on ourselves is endless, too. Think about where you heard these negative messages. Are they from a gaslighter?
Jesus says to live in the truth. By allowing a gaslighter to twist your thinking you are accepting lies and enabling him or her to continue gaslighting. Seek the truth in scripture. See a therapist for clarity. Talk to others who think highly of you. Say the opposite of the lies to yourself and repeat it.
You do not have to settle for a gaslighter’s tricks. You do not have to gaslight yourself.
-COMMENTS WELCOME
Today’s Helpful Word
Psalm 25:4-6
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!
Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair.
NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
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