By Nancy Virden (c)2024

Jaylin hurt Drew. The pain Drew experienced negatively changed Drew’s life. It never stops hurting or interfering with a sense of worth or wholeness.

Drew decides never to forgive Jaylin for the harm done. Jaylin remains in Drew’s thoughts whenever pain strikes, reminders come from anywhere, and fear of a chance meeting keeps Drew imprisoned at home or away from places that used to be favorites.

On goes Jaylin, whether feeling guilt or not, being sorry or not, or worse yet, moving onto the next victim. Drew is not on Jaylin’s mind.

In this likely scenario, why is Drew the one who is emotionally and perhaps mentally suffering? It is not fair, is it, that the harmer keeps on harming unawares? Drew has control over some of this misery. While the damage done may remain challenging, Drew can take a huge step toward healing.

Keep in mind that forgiveness is not an endorsement. We do not have to suddenly become stupid and call harm or evil okay. Some confused celebrities have thanked evildoers because the celebrities grew during their healing experiences. No, No, triple No. Evil never produces good. The ones to thank are those who helped those celebrities see that the harm done to them is not their identity.

Forgiveness is not naive trust, either. We do not put ourselves in harm’s way because we are trying to show forgiveness. The hurtful person need not be welcomed into our homes, around our children, or wherever more harm can follow. Boundaries are appropriate.

Instead, by forgiving Jaylin, Drew releases control over vengeance. Drew is free to go wherever Drew wants, do what Drew chooses, and not bother with thoughts of hatred or stress concerning Jaylin. Drew is no longer trapped by the memories or resentment fed by inner pain.

Let’s imagine that Jaylin is a family member. The harm Jaylin caused Drew is egregious. Other family members have taken sides. How is Drew to forgive Jaylin for the initial harm, the loss of family, and the ongoing pain? How can Drew forgive those family members who have sided with Jaylin?

Forgiveness begins with a realistic view of the complete story. Purely for the sake of gathering facts, not for excuse-making, Drew takes a good long look at Jaylin’s history and what influences played a part. Then Drew admits that had that been a shared experience, Drew may have made cruel decisions too.

Drew recognizes the ignorance or foolishness of those who side with Jaylin. Drew can try to inform them, explain what feelings rise up due to their rejection of the truth, and then live in Radical Acceptance if they do not change their minds. Radical Acceptance is a full grasp of reality without denial. “Family members may never understand. I will grieve and create a better life for myself.” Radical Acceptance is also the admission of what is not in one’s control. Jaylin was evil and may still be so. I cannot change Jaylin. Family members may be foolish and rejecting, but I cannot change them, either.

Finally, Drew allows God to handle Jaylin. Drew might pray for Jaylin out of obedience to Christ. Drew may tell Jaylin about the forgiveness decision or not. What matters is that Drew is free to choose.

Remember the spiritual ramifications of forgiveness. If we claim to be a follower of Christ forgiveness is not optional. Matthew 6:14-16 reads, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. “

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Matthew 6: 9-13

[Jesus said] Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.
May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.
 Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.  And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

_{HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION, COPYRIGHT © 1996, 2004, 2015 BY TYNDALE HOUSE FOUNDATION. USED BY PERMISSION OF TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, INC., CAROL STREAM, ILLINOIS 60188, PER BIBLE GATEWAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. RETRIEVED FROM HTTPS://WWW.BIBLEGATEWAY.COM/}