By Nancy Virden (c)2023

Ah, December American holidays.  It would come as no shock to learn most families have expectations centered around tradition. It is when we forget we have choices that resentment, dishonesty, and compromise of our values take place. We flail about reacting to tugs from others until we are dizzy or depressed.

Boundaries prevent this. We can choose to be an individual, not a victim, not co-dependent, and not a doormat. Boundaries keep us from being dishonest about what we want and how we feel. Genuine obligations suffer when we say yes excessively to outside pressure. Anger over our supposed lack of choice threatens to ruin all happiness.

Boundaries are not about stopping another person. We will never have control over other people’s choices. Boundaries are about what we decide to say yes or no to. What will we allow into our lives?

Here are 3 boundaries you will want to draw this year.

1) Time.

2) Budget  

3) Physical or emotional energy

Place these three where they fit on your calendar. For example, “shopping Tuesday” could include a notation “no more than $300 on food.” If your child’s concert is at 7, note to leave the store by 5.

Carefully consider your best physical and emotional health. This may look like saying no to shopping on Tuesday if it will wear you out so you are not fully present at the concert.

Say no to the least valuable ‘to-dos” so you can focus on what is most important. Cut out or abbreviate those activities you would be wise to avoid to stay healthy. You are free to limit your suffering by turning your energies to the most valued events and relationships this month.

Saying yes to the lesser equals saying no to the best. It’s okay to use your voice! 

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

1 Corinthians 10:31

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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