By Nancy Virden (c)2023

Partners. That is what you and your therapist are – you partnering with the expert to learn how to better manage your emotions and life.

Some therapists (to be honest) are lousy at their jobs. Perhaps they desire to “fix” people, which means they might overstep the bounds or try to manipulate you into saying what they want to hear. But most therapists are decent working folks who only want to join you in your fight for healthier choices. I’ve met both kinds.

The key is to interview therapists to discover their personalities. Unfortunately, therapists have as difficult a time knowing their personal flaws as the rest of us. I’ve interviewed therapists and asked for a gentle, warm, and patient style. They all say they have it. It is no big surprise then that harsher ones can create difficulties for me.

Be specific in your questions or ask a friend to do so. Instead of “Are you patient?” say “If I mention the same problem more than three times, how will you respond?” Instead of “Are you gentle?” say “Under what circumstances would you raise your voice to a client?” If you need a therapist who helps clients gain structure over chaos or procrastination, ask “Do you help clients develop schedules over time or assign to-dos each week?”

You create your questions. Therapists are only human. They click with some clients and not so much with others. Write a list of personality traits that would trigger you and ask strong questions to avoid that clash.

Hopefully, you are a follower of Jesus. If so, ask God to lead you to the right person. God is big on seeking wise counsel and will certainly guide you. “Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives” (Colossians 3:16).

I have met therapists who have been instrumental in changing my life for the better. Helpful therapists are available online and in person. Before hiring one, ensure they are licensed, experienced in your area of need, and able to meet you where you are emotionally.

It is worth the work to find a wise therapist who knows how to speak your language or comes close. Remember, this partnership is not about the therapist agreeing with you, but the challenges they offer do not need to send you into a spiral, either.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 16:1-3 nlt

We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer.  People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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