By Nancy Virden (c)2023

A person who destroyed my weak and desperate trust at the most vulnerable time in my life refused to acknowledge her wrongdoing when confronted, continued to follow me on social media, and play-acted friendship in an attempt for me to engage with her again. This I will not do although I seek no revenge and am unwilling to mention her name.

This was many years ago and I thought the harm of her antics and even dim memories of her were gone. I felt no more hurt because she did not enter my thoughts. I have done what I can to heal. Recently though, she popped up again. Emotions so old and absent rose to roily in no time. I was filled with fear, resentment, and a sense of being trapped.

This is normal after toxic treatment of any kind. However, I have power now I did not have those years ago. I am not desperate or overly trusting, not naive as to her character, and able to stand up for myself. The problem is, I only want her to go back to forget-me-land.

Jesus taught:

1. Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…
2. Luke 6:27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…
3. Luke 6:35 “But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.”

We have every right to remove ourselves from the presence of those who would tear us down. We are not the sacrificial lamb for anyone- only Jesus is that. We can be loving and forgiving from a distance by not seeking revenge and not mentioning names. We can pray for people.

When (and if) the time comes that we are psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and physically able, we can see about loving our enemies in a more direct way. (To do so earlier may damage you and the person God intends for you to become because the other person may still be toxic to you.)

Not everyone will change and we can recognize that too. Some people are best left to prayer. A meme I posted to my Mental Health Coaching Services Facebook page says, “Giving until it hurts is not a virtue. It burns you out while attracting people whose appetite for your energy is insatiable.” (Martha Beck)

There is something else that is insatiable – that is God’s desire for us to know him and to know his unending love. The power of Jesus’ name is also limitless. His ability to carry us through difficulties as we obey his will is not weak.

So today I have a choice. Will I reach out to Miss Toxic and try to show the love of God to her? I am as yet undecided. She will use everything I say against me. One thing is certain, I need to forgive her because the way I reacted today is proof I have not. I will start by praying for her.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Philippians 4: 6-7

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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