Change Your Balance With Healthy Boundaries: Part 5 – Meet Your Needs

By Nancy Virden (c)2022

The concept of self-care is often misunderstood. Self-care is not supposed to be self-indulgence, instant gratification, or selfishness. It is about ensuring your basic needs are met so that you can be there for other people in meaningful ways.

Self-care requires some deliberation. Here are important questions to ask about your life.


What do I want?  Decide what you sincerely desire in your relationships, and for yourself. Write down what you want in general, long-term, short-term, and specifically in the situation you are in now.

Is my basic need for positive, meaningful connection met? Do you receive validation, love with action on your behalf, and sincere, non-critical acceptance? If not, find it. Validation and non-critical acceptance are not the same as having a friend who lives in denial with you, entertains each of your fantasies, or never points out what may be wrong. Validation says “you and your experiences matter”, and non-critical acceptance says, “you are valuable regardless of your faults.” Validation does not callously dismiss you or your emotions, and non-critical acceptance does not harp on your mistakes. Love with action on your behalf does not ignore your needs (but may not meet all your wants).

Am I too busy to allow for positive and meaningful connections? Make room for this vital part of healthy living.

What about sleep? Find a solution to gaining good sleep. There are the more familiar answers such as sleep hygiene, melatonin, and medication… but have you considered this? Isaiah the prophet said about God, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3 NKJ)

How can I spend time with Jesus Christ in prayer and Bible reading? This is about your spiritual health, not only now but for eternity. “Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.” (Psalm 25:4 NIV)

Is my pace slow enough to allow for the unexpected? Surprises are not so stressful when we have time and energy for them.

Are my specific goals and priorities supporting my values? “…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:3,4)

How do my choices affect my family? “Whoever brings ruin on their family will inherit only wind…” (Proverbs 11: 29)

Choose your priorities carefully. To begin living in a balanced, mentally healthy way, make sure your basic needs are met. When we know what to say yes to, we know what to say no to.

See parts 1 2 3 4


Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 26:11-12 ESV

But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity; redeem me, and be gracious to me. My foot stands on level ground; in the great assembly I will bless the Lord.

How the Difference Maker Lifts You Above Depressive Thoughts (c)2020

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.


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