5 Reasons You and I Find it Difficult to Ask for Help (and why to do something about it)

By Nancy Virden (c)2021

One of the hardest (for me) life lessons has been to reach out and ask for help when needed. Looking back with 20-20, it is apparent that refusal to admit my troubles and ask for input or help has been an underlying (if not main) cause of great pain.

  • Boyfriend + seek no advice + marry him = 30 years of gross emotional neglect and major depression. Low sense of self.
  • Live in pain and dread each day + pretend on the outside everything is fine = loneliness, self-righteousness as a cover-up, a rough new start after divorce, and people not believing me when I finally talk.
  • Loosey-goosey career choices + stubborn independence = looking for a job at age 60.

There is more, but you get the point. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial health are affected by whether we will seek outside opinions or rely only on our “facts” and reasoning. My friend Evelyn* has much earned wisdom of her own. She relies on God to lead her and takes everything to Him before making decisions. Because of these characteristics, talking to her makes sense.

Recent stresses that may have exacerbated the problem that landed me in the hospital last week have been painful to handle alone. So why did I? Maybe these are some of your reasons for not asking for help, too.

Laziness. In part, when I am confused and do not know how to move forward it is easier to not try and explain it.

Distrust. What if I bother the other person whom I am asking for input? This is an excuse to help rationalize laziness.

Self-doubt. Probably I am making a big deal out of nothing. Other people handle their lives, so why can I not?

Vanity. I want people to think I am put-together and wise. Past events of having appeared foolish have tarnished the perfect “look” for which I strive. Hide imperfections.

Fear. What if someone mocks my need? What if no one cares? What if asking for help results in hurt?

Finding those to trust takes time. Evelyn is the type to never mock. She does not want me to be perfect. She is honest about her struggles and asks for advice from me. Never has she responded as if I am bothering her. She prays with me as we seek God’s will for any situation.

I need her wisdom today and must not be too lazy to make a call.


Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 13:10

Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

How the Difference Maker Lifts You Above Depressive Thoughts (c)2020

Stay at Home and Thrive! (c)2020

*changed name

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.*

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.


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