Talking to Yourself: Here’s why that is a good thing

Always the Fight Ministries: Displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse. (c)2019Nancy Virden

I have to be talked out of things. Or into things. Or through things. 

Or so I once believed. 

Depending too much on human support and approval left me either unable to make decisions on my own or to forever question those decisions I made.  Maybe you are there too. This seems, only from my untrained observance,  to be somewhat common among emotionally abused persons. 

Even without such a past, maybe dependence on support and approval is fear of failure. It is plausible that a newcomer to a job or community might ask, “Is this ok? Did I do this right?” Hopefully, that is a need for instruction and not an inability to trust his or her own judgment.

Whatever the reason or outcome of dependency on someone having your back, or someone believing in you, or any number of types of approval and support,  we do well to talk to ourselves.

“Nancy,  have you made some healthy and wise decisions? Yes. So it is possible for you to do so again, right? Right. Why are you so anxious? Fear of not remembering to do everything and thus failing. Have you ever experienced that? Yes. What happened? Nothing, So it is possible that if you do forget something there will be no dire consequences? Yes…” 

And on it goes for as long as it takes to come to the understanding that it is safe to go forward. My judgment and yours is worthwhile, and one day at a time is how we enjoy living.

Go ahead, if you have been relying on a person’s or society’s support and approval, try to talk yourself out of things, into things, and through things. While wise counsel is often vital and not to be ignored, it is ultimately you who will decide.  It is okay to say no to the person who does not have your best interests in mind. It is brave to walk out from under the influence of the focus of your dependency.

I’m not talking about arrogance – believing you need no one else. Only foolish people believe they have all the answers. My intention is to encourage those of us who learned to trust everyone but ourselves. 

I trust Jesus to lead me. This dependency is not based on fear or inability to make decisions. On the contrary, my open-eyed faith means listening to the wisest of counsel.  He is teaching me to rely on his unfailing love and to move courageously forward. 

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 29:25

It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.


NOTE:  I am not a doctor or mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. (for international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!



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