“You’ve been drinking again.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“But I found a water bottle in the back of the bathroom cupboard filled with vodka.”
“That’s just water!”
“Oh… ok, it’s just water.”
It is not only those with an addiction who have a problem. Spouses, friends, and other family members jump through figurative hoops trying to make sense of lies while wanting to trust. No one wants to play the fool, yet disbelieving all the time hurts too.
“You’ve been watching porn.”
“I saw a link on your screen.”
“You’re too suspicious. I don’t know how that got there. Some ad or something. I have not been watching porn. You have my word.”
“Oh…ok, it’s just an ad.”
Accepting blame and listening to a constant stream of denial can be crazy-making. It is normal to feel trapped and victimized. Where gaslighting is involved, trust is destroyed.
“I finally found comfortable shoes for work. On sale for only $20!”
“We don’t have the money for that.”
“But you bought an I-Pad and took all your friends out to dinner.”
“You don’t need new shoes, your old shoes are just fine.”
“Oh…ok, do you want me to take them back?”
Remember that you matter too. Whether someone tries to pass to you the sympathy card or victim card, the denial card or blame card, you do not have to extend your hand and join the game.
But I don’t want to make things worse by setting a boundary. I will feel guilty. May I suggest you are already in great pain?
One of the strongest women I’ve met was a mother who had to remove her drug-addicted son from the home and not welcome him back no matter how he begged. It was torment to find him at her door. Yet she stood her ground knowing she might be saving his life. Home for her and the other children returned to peace.
Today’s Helpful Word
Psalm 56:10, 11
In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can man do to me?
***** COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME
NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental and behavioral health challenges. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
If you are struggling emotionally today or feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. (for international emergency numbers, go here ), or go to your nearest emergency room. Hope and help are yours.