By Nancy Virden (c)2026 AlwaysTheFight.com
Good counsel. The qualifying word is “good”. There is no end to free-yet-costly-counsel, expensive-yet-cheap-therapy, and affordable-yet-misguided advice.
It is important to compare therapists, as evidenced in multiple stories I have heard and my own. There are so many stories; it is scary to think how recklessly we can abandon our instincts when faced with this decision.
Let me share just a few of those outcomes.
Outcome #1 – A personal experience
In 2004, grief over the loss of my mother and both in-laws in a short span of time, clearing up two estates, an already overloaded lifestyle of volunteerism, and a strained marriage fueled a major depressive episode.
When I finally acknowledged that counseling would be a good idea, the name of a church-affiliated woman came to my attention.
During my second session with her, as I explained working with children and their families, she leaned forward, looked me in the eye, and said, “You know God cannot use you because you are fat.”
Because I was depressed, her words sucked any remaining sense of purpose out of me. Within a few months, I was hospitalized for the first time, having rejected help until near the emotional point of no return.
Looking back, I know how wrong she was; God welcomes the work of any person willing to help others.
Outcome #2 – Enrique
Marriage had surprised Enrique. He had entered it believing his wife would meet his every need. After a few years, he decided to seek counseling for himself and to tackle his incorrect way of handling relationships.
His therapist listened to his story… and listened…and listened. Weeks and months went by, and no counsel was forthcoming. Enrique thought, “If I were capable of figuring this out myself, I could talk for free at home.”
Four full years passed before he decided to give up on this counselor. He found another man who gave structured guidance, offered reading material, and asked good questions.
Enrique is now receiving the help he needs, but at the cost of four years as his marriage struggled and bills piled up.
Outcome # 3 – Helen
Helen’s husband suffered from a trying mental illness. There were lengths of time when he was so depressed he would not get off the couch, leaving his wife to care for the children, home, and financial issues. Other periods were filled with aggressive and abusive behavior. He called her names, wrecked the house, and the children watched helplessly as he threw away their personal possessions.
Exasperated, Helen dragged him to marriage counseling. She listened politely as her at-that-moment charming spouse described their relationship. He was beguiling, witty, and easily laid blame for their troubles on her. She felt confused, angry at his misrepresentation, and when asked for her point of view, she blurted, “He sabotages our family!”
The misinformed therapist had already bought the abuser’s story. He said to her, “You need to stop being so controlling.”
No more did she try to reach out for help.
Happier outcomes exist!
Some simple criteria I have learned to consider are personality, theoretical approach, specific experience, and professional license. It is wise to interview therapists.
Ask about their approach. Some merely listen; others (such as CBT therapists) will explore solutions.
Find out whose demeanor will fit your needs. Because I tend to think literally, homework and clear instructions work well with my personality.
Seek specialists in your area of need. For example, talking to an addictions counselor may not be so helpful if one has schizophrenia.
Look for a licensed therapist or psychologist. State licensing requires experience to earn it, and shows that a counselor has more than good intentions.
Look beyond clergy. No one would ask an oncologist to tackle eye surgery, and unfortunately, as thoughtful and talented as clergy may be, the skills needed to manage specific mental disorders require more than a theological or education degree.
Ask God to guide you to the right person. You deserve help that works for you. Go ahead and ask when you need it. I had to try and try again before finding the people whose personalities met my needs. It was worth it.
-COMMENTS WELCOME
Today’s Helpful Word
Proverbs 1:23 brackets mine
[Wisdom speaks:] Come and listen to my counsel.
I’ll share my heart with you
and make you wise.
If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!
Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair.
NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
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