By Nancy Virden (c)2026 AlwaysTheFight.com
Telling someone to their face that their behavior, or words, have negatively affected you, can be hard. After approaching such a difficulty last week, the other person continued to misunderstand, and I was left feeling falsely accused of meanness.
What then? Try again? Although I hate junior-high-style antics, and telling a third person risked becoming a “tattletale”, it seemed best to involve someone in a position to act as mediator. After explaining the details and my reactions, she was able to talk to the other person. As a result, there was a three-way conversation the following day.
He (the other person involved) apologized for the way his words had sounded. He admitted to a joke gone wrong. (I’ve been in those shoes plenty of times!) We came to the necessary understanding. I felt better and hope he did too.
Adulting is sometimes inconvenient and trying. It would be so much easier to emotionally walk away, store resentment and distrust, and carry on coolly. Or would it? That takes a lot of energy if you have to see this person very often, and being wary is exhausting. Clearing the air removes the smog and fog of misunderstanding and bitterness.
Gossip is not the way to go. Sharing this problem with friends would do little to help. Instead, I told the person who could help, and she did.
People have found letter writing to stand as a workable substitute for face-to-face confrontation. Letter writing allows time to simmer down, put thoughts in order, and “adult” your way through the difficulty. With today’s technology, even videos or recorded voice messages can be useful.
Keep it civil. Take responsibility for whatever is yours. Keep blame to “I” statements such as “I felt ____ when ____”. Tone down the language. Stick to the facts. Whether face-to-face, in writing, via video, or recording, keep your tone moderate. If you cannot, you may need more time before confronting.
Your aim is to repair the relationship. Do what is up to you to create a chance for that to happen. You cannot control the outcome (they could refuse); however, you can save your dignity and self-respect.
-COMMENTS WELCOME
Today’s Helpful Word
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!
Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair.
NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
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