©Nancy Virden 2025; AlwaysTheFight.com

You know you need to, but the idea seems too challenging. You feel unsafe “out there” where people are talking and connecting. Past trauma, a mental disorder, introversion, awkward social skills, self-loathing, low motivation, low energy, or a powerful sense of self-protection may each play a part in your decision to isolate. How do you get past that?

It is challenging, but not impossible. Start slow and grow your socializing muscles bit by bit.

1. Choose to socialize in your own house. Sit in the Living Room or eat with other household members. You do not have to talk. Merely say please and thank you to break the ice. Call someone to talk about anything but your difficulty. Begin with texts if that is where you need to start. Keep the texts positive. Of course, there is email and Messaging for those who still use it. Refuse to hide behind tech.
2. Do not set yourself up by expecting anything from people using social media. Social media can be depressing, and real connections are sporadic if at all. It is not set up for honesty, deep sharing, loyalty, or presence. Think of it this way: is everyone on social media hiding in isolation? Perhaps many are.
3. Socialize outside your home in small ways. Deliberately say hello (no need to say more) to your neighbor. Wait for a hello back and smile. Go to your neighborhood convenience mart, such as a gas station, food place, or even a drive-thru, and be assertively friendly. Say hello, how is your day/night going? Say thank you and try to look workers in the eye.
4. Make yourself accountable to 1 person for each social opportunity. Ask them to be your ride to a social function and use that as your obligation to go. Or have a friend waiting for you at the function. Do not cancel.
5. Give yourself a time limit and increase it each time you go out. “I’ll stay 10 minutes”, then, next time 15 minutes, 20, etc. Your goal is to stay through a whole social function eventually.
6. Try not to be aloof. Walk forward and greet people as much as you can. If you cannot, then just be there because that is progress, too.
7. If you have choices, choose the safest option. Maybe joining choir practice is too much, and helping in the background is more your style. Attending a small Bible Study or prayer group may be what works for you. The class I lead, Living Grace, is one place you will meet people who understand. Take baby steps toward connecting with people in your sphere. Attend a concert, and greet the greeters; go to a senior center or hobby group; internet chats count, too; however, remember they are limited, and messages in writing can be easily misunderstood. Be cautious for your sake.
8. Sometimes we go out of our comfort zone to be a blessing to other people. Maybe this can serve as motivation to be with others.
9. Think slow, small, and one day at a time.
10. Suggested safe topics: Weather, the event, who is there, jobs, the other person in your conversation (most people like to talk about themselves), and what brings you/them out to this function. If your emotions are on edge, avoid: politics, religion beyond the gospel, the news, topics out of your control, disagreements, the end times, and your troubles.
11. How to graciously leave a conversation or event: Say, “It’s been nice talking with you” and walk away with a smile; “I see so-n-so and need to go say hi”; “My best friend asked me to come home early”; “I have a lot to do and need to go home”; “I am meeting a friend in a few minutes”; “I need to step out”; “I will talk to you later” “I do not feel well and will be leaving now”.  There is no need to lie. The fact that you are tired and need to rest is legitimately why you have things to do, or need to be home early. Your friend is yourself or God.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Hebrews 10:25

And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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