By Nancy Virden 2025

DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, teaches how to control one’s emotions, especially the overpowering ones. I highly recommend the book Real Skills for Real Life by Shireen L. Rizvi, PhD, and Jesse Finkelstein, PsyD, The Guilford Press (www.guilford.com).

This book is rich in clever ideas and acronyms for enhancing our interactions with others. Personal relationships can get healthier, stabilize, and be more satisfying. Since we usually want other people to think well of us, DBT skills help us to communicate well (as opposed to screaming at each other).

The following is a brief summary of one of the skills that we can apply to everyday interactions. This is taken directly from Real Skills for Real Life. Remember the acronym G.I.V.E. next time you need to communicate in a healthy, self-controlled way.

GIVE*

G. (be) Gentle: Be gentle by using a kind and respectful tone and behavior. Avoid making threats, judgments, or attacks. Stay in the conversation gracefully even if it’s painful; don’t walk away. Smiling may help!

I. (act) Interested: Listen and appear interested in the other person. Do this by facing them, making eye contact, nodding, avoiding interrupting, and using the One-Mindfully skill in the conversation to let the other person know that you are paying attention.

V. Validate: State directly how their thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviors make sense and are understandable. Try to see the situation from their perspective and express that.

E. Easy manner: Try to be light and easy, as opposed to overly serious or severe. Consider smiling and using humor.

Prioritize the relationship! How to Know If GIVE Is Working: If you and the other person feel good about the relationship when an interpersonal interaction is over.

Check out DBT skills for yourself!

*https://www.guilford.com/search-e-books/real+skills+for+real+life
-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 15:1-3

 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.  The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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