By Nancy Virden (c)2026

Trusting others is not my strongsuit. Early in life, I learned to be vigilant and to wait warily. When I do finally decide to trust, it is not a fragile decision. It is backed by research and time.

If then, the one I trust lets me down, it is easy to forgive and offer the benefit of the doubt. “He misread the situation,” “She forgot.”

It is only in the face of blatant disregard or betrayal that my trust will shift. And it hurts! Like a gut punch, the pain lasts a while, and if the other person shuts down communication, there are no options left.

Once, I was warming up to a therapist I had hired because I was growing depressed and didn’t want to get worse. Over the eight weeks, she seemed genuine and invested. Then I received a formal statement from her company that she had canceled all future sessions. She had not spoken of this, and I felt cheated of that conversation.

My emotions fluctuated between self-blame (it figures, who can blame her) and blaming her for my hurt (this was unkind of her). The notice was stiff, cold. An avalanche of other rejections, perceived or real, rose in memory and brought great sorrow with them. (Some call this being triggered). What felt like being thrown away was not easy to handle, even as my son told me I was overreacting to a form letter. Two days later, I emailed the therapist.

Her reaction was surprise. She had not canceled our sessions; it was a misunderstanding. However, my tentative trust had returned to wariness. I’d been reminded to hold people loosely. This is a good example of perceived rejection. It was powerful, and the doubts did not leave quickly.

I’m telling you this because it is all too common for any of us to develop expectations, feel disappointed, and misread a situation or a person. We might make negative assumptions before getting all the facts. This is called being reactionary. Our emotions rule the brain.

Our analytical self takes a vacation. As emotions rage through our system, we react even more. It can take time to calm down. This is why it is important to not shut off communication.

A woman recently accused me of being deceitful and would not listen to any explanation. She had made up her mind based on rumor, and to her it was fact. Worst yet, she blocked me and promised to warn people about me. Yikes!

I went to the Lord Jesus in prayer and praise following each of these experiences. While my emotions spun in circles, I knew he was the One I could trust wholeheartedly. He let me sob and calmed my spirit. His Word, the Holy Bible, assured me that his love is not fragile.

2000 years ago, two women were quarreling in sharp disagreement. Paul, the head of the New Testament church where they served, and the church’s young pastor, wrote a letter together asking a fellow believer to mediate. Paul wrote an admonition to the women and all of us:

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).

True: Gather the facts and demand proof. Avoid hearsay, mind-reading, and gossiping.

Honorable: Give other people a chance to explain.

Right: Wait for the truth and do not falsely accuse.

Pure: Do not muddy facts with perceptions, assumptions, and lies. We can never know another person’s motive unless they speak it.

Lovely: Give people the benefit of the doubt. Expect good from them unless there is solid evidence to the contrary. Even then, sometimes there is room for a second chance.

Admirable: What have you seen in this person that you can admire?

Excellent: Pursue excellence and do not settle for being suggestible and easily deceived. Practice good judgment.

Worthy of praise: God is always worthy of praise. Start there and let him speak life to your situation.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Philippians 1:9-11

I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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