By Nancy Virden (c)2026

Job’s trauma response took a turn. As his friends began to criticize him, Job was forced to defend his character and his pain. Though he was never suicidal in the sense that he considered taking his own life, he did regret being alive.

He said, “Let the day of my birth be erased, and the night I was conceived. Let that day be turned to darkness. Let it be lost even to God on high, and let no light shine on it. Curse that day for failing to shut my mother’s womb, for letting me be born to see all this trouble.”

He goes on, glorifying death and equating it with joy. “Oh, why give light to those in misery, and life to those who are bitter? They long for death, and it won’t come. They search for death more eagerly than for hidden treasure. They’re filled with joy when they finally die, and rejoice when they find the grave.”

Does this type of thinking sound familiar? It does to me. I remember believing that death was the answer to my prayers, and I searched for it as for treasure. My attempts turned out not to be lethal; God spared me that way. The despair, suicidal death-wish, and hopelessness were real and all-consuming.

I was wrong, and so was Job. There is no joy in suicide or an untimely death. The path of destruction and sorrow I would have left for my sons would be unbearable. People who trusted me and listened to my teaching would always question what they learned. My legacy would be one of whys, doubts, and sorrow. Even worse, copycat suicide is not rare. What if I had led someone else to die by suicide?

His friends were not compassionate in the way we want compassion. One summarized for the rest when he said, “In the past, you encouraged those with shaky knees. But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart.  Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence? Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope?”

A doctor once asked me, “Your God is supposed to love you. Doesn’t that help?” A pastor said he would rather work with emotionally stable people. A friend suggested I could become violent at any moment without warning. Another called me a “nutjob” publicly and warned people in our circle that I was too sick to trust. She also offered to fix me. Other friends disappeared.

Yes, stigma and ignorance still reign as they did in Job’s time. Job was not dependent on people’s opinions; he answered them every time with honesty and facts. His ability to recover was despite their so-called support, not because of it.

Have you prayed Job’s prayer? I have. “Oh, that God would grant my desire. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me.” God will lovingly refuse to answer that prayer, no matter how hard we beg. He has better plans for our future.

Job is open about his emotions and thoughts. “At least I can take comfort in this: despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One. But I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for.”

Oh friend, if this is how you feel, please listen to Job’s and my recoveries. In sorrow, we do not see far enough ahead. All hope is shrouded in the darkness of despair and loss. You are not hurting God with your feelings; he knows we are fragile. Like Job, strength is found in trusting God to be good even when we think He is done with us.

As for his friends, Job let them have it. “One should be kind to a fainting friend, but you accuse me without any fear of the Almighty.”

Let judgy people go. You have a right to hurt and be afraid of life. Your feelings matter because YOU matter. Where you see a wasted life, God sees His masterpiece. Hang on. Choose life.

Job’s trauma responses and God’s answer in Part 3.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Job 9:32-35

Job prophesies about Jesus, our ever-present mediator and Savior

“God is not a mortal like me,
    so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial.
 If only there were a mediator between us,
    someone who could bring us together…
 Then I could speak to him without fear,
    but I cannot do that in my own strength.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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