By Nancy Virden (c)2025

My story is all over this website, in audio and print. Although there is no therapeutic gain for me, I continue to share it because mental health is an ongoing fight for many of us. We know what it is like for our mood to ‘suddenly’ shift and feel as if we have no control. We understand the perception of a lack of purpose and hope. A sense of worthlessness is familiar, and yes, we never quite feel like we belong.

It is okay! You are okay for the moment.

We grow from points A to B to C, yet often wish to grow, without hard work, from A to Z as fast as it takes to switch off a boring video. Life has not worked out that way for me. It has taken 64 years for me to enjoy this moment in ways I could not have in the past. I am not the same person I was even fifteen years ago. Inner anger is more humbled, bipolar disorder is better controlled, no longer does self-righteousness serve as a cover for fear, and neither does dread ruin joy every single day. Would I go back? NO! Not even to retrieve youthfulness, knowing what I know now, as some like to say.

I am beyond grateful that I have not had suicidal ideation in 10 years. No depressive episode has grown too heavy to escape for as long. I practice the resiliency exercises that I teach, and keep my highest hopes in the forefront.

You do not have to live with false guilt. Prolonged guilt will damage your emotional health. Resentment and grudges will damage your thinking patterns. Regret will ruin your today. Negativity may roost in your brain and set up its nest, stirring up triggers for your anxiety, depression, or any mental disorder.

Here are some ways I keep myself mentally healthy (or prevent serious episodes). These are strategies I write about and teach in the Living Grace classes.

1. Upon first sensing my mood is going dark, a decision must be made. Do I want to go down this trail, or do I want to fight it? That decision is in my control. If I choose to follow the mood I will feel worse and probably guilty for not taking care of myself. I will not be the person or live the life I want for a time. The appeal to allowing a mood disorder to take over is the lack of motivation and victim mindset that often accompany these lower moods.
2. If I decide to fight it, it will not appear to be a warrior in action. More likely, I am a slow-moving person shuffling to my home office or getting dressed for a social event, or even walking downstairs to visit with my housemates. It is likely an emotional battle to move at all, so I have to cling to a fact that I know to be true: I feel better when I do.
3. This fight is about interrupting the cycle that, when ignored, has brought me nearly to a tragic end. Almost more than anything, I do not want suicide to be the legacy left for my children and the numerous people with whom I have shared my source of hope. Anyone fighting any mental disorder needs to have made their ‘darkness’ an anathema to them. This is an inner, quality decision to never let a disorder control and ruin your life or anyone else’s.
4. Remembering what I did when experiencing a positive mood (not always easy to recall healthy feelings!), I try to do the things I would normally enjoy, even if I have lost interest temporarily.
5. Not always a win, nonetheless, I try to avoid scrolling ad nauseam and to read a good book. Often, it is found in the Bible. I read encouragement and promises of God’s love. I pray and ask Him to help me. He always does. He once sent me to the psychologist who spoke my thinking language, and almost every session was an epiphany. He has sent me to careful and thoughtful psychiatrists who took time and used restraint before offering medications. God has helped me with His own reassuring presence most of all.
6. I actively learn about bipolar disorder and mental health, and make safety plans when I am well. That way, the information is there and available when I would rather not think it through.

A sign on my wall says, “I rise today through the strength of the mighty Lord of creation” (from a Lorica of Saint Patrick). If God can create life out of nothing, he can help me to get out of bed! Another inspiration will go above my closet. It is from the song “Made for More” by Josh Baldwin.

I wasn’t made to be tending a grave, I was called by name

Born and raised back to life again, I was made for more.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

John 1:4-5 (‘The Word” refers to Jesus)

The Word gave life to everything that was created,
    and his life brought light to everyone.
 The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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