By Nancy Virden (c)2025

Self-isolation can take two or more forms. The ones with which I am most familiar and likely to use when in the mood are avoiding other people and being quiet. In my mind, I am self-protecting against all those fakers who do not really want me around or do not want to know what I am thinking. In reality, I am hiding because I do not believe I am enough.

By rationalizing, I can convince myself that I am right and practicing self-care. My viewpoint becomes twisted and unquestionable. Self-pity disguised as reason supports the notion that people do not get me; woe is my purposeless life because I am all alone in the world.

This is a familiar argument, and that is why I can quote it. Unfortunately, there is always enough truth in it that I can feel justified. By isolating, life does have less purpose than when I am interacting with others. By remaining quiet, people do not have the chance to show they care about what I think.

It is a negative, self-fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom. My mood drops, and thoughts can turn dark if left to linger. I may begin to resent everyone who has ever let me down, even in minor or imagined circumstances. You can see how remaining in this mindset could be very damaging to my mental health and satisfaction.

Fortunately, I have learned to recognize this negativity as the first tell-tale sign of a need for change. It is a symptom rather than a cause of depression, but it fuels depression, too. I know better than to ignore it. Responsibility for interrupting this cycle is mine; I am in charge of my mental health.

It can take a while to shift into “change” mode. It is never easy. I learned in therapy to do what I would be doing if I were not depressed. This week, I remembered the fact (not the feeling) that being with safe people is what keeps me energized. Three deliberate changes are my proactive way of turning this mood around, despite how I feel.

1. Interaction with the people in my home. Three times so far, I have purposefully spent time in conversation with the other three people here. Getting out of my room is a challenge, and yesterday I did not leave it. Today was better. The key is to keep this up until it feels natural.
2. Creating a safe socializing event on my terms. For me, being devoted to Jesus means praying to God in Jesus’ name, preferably with others. I set up a once-per-week, one-hour prayer group and invited people to join. Being “in charge” of this means I cannot back out and hide. This kind of fellowship over the phone suits me perfectly right now.
3. Making plans for the future. Knowing I might feel differently by September about engaging with change, I found a ride to attend a weekly women’s gathering at my church that begins that month. Now, I have no excuse and cannot rationalize my way into avoiding people. This group is small and gentle. It is safe.

These changes are made on my terms, incorporating manageable steps to a return to joy. Depression must run its course; nevertheless, I have a lot of say over how far it takes me.

One more vital note: When depression hits, I am often disinterested in reading. The audio Bible has helped to raise my hopes, and I can sense the Lord’s helping hand.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 91:1-2

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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