By Nancy Virden (c)2025

For another person to control you, there must be a price to pay if you resist. This pressure may be created or imagined by the one being controlled, and is how you give away your power. (I am not addressing criminal and physically forceful actions here.) Of course, some prices are very real, like the silent treatment or removal of love.

You have choices. So, how do you safely resist?

1. Count the real cost. Giving up individuality and potential merely to please another is your loss. You have been made in the image of God, and His plan for you does not include living for someone other than Him. Learn to draw healthy boundaries and point your focus on being who God made you to be.
2. Recognize the controller’s personal responsibility. People (including you) are responsible for getting their needs met. This may include respectful delegation, and helping someone out is usually an act of kindness. However, meeting another’s needs because they will not, is a slippery slope toward self-induced slavery. Learn to say no.
3. Challenge false, negative thinking. Like any adult, you are in charge of how you think. If fear is your familiar place, you may find it difficult to imagine yourself in a better emotional state. Start to challenge those negative beliefs and replace them with phrases like, I can with help, I will with faith, God loves me for me, and I want to live my own life.
4. Re-examine your worth. God says you are inherently priceless. He even sent His Son to die for you so you would not have to die in your sins! If your faith is in Jesus as your Savior, you are one of God’s own children! That’s amazing. He designed you, put you together on purpose, and regardless of whether your conception was “pure” or not, you are wanted, planned by God, and loved. You are a unique creation.
5. Incorporate help from experts. From therapists to doctors to abuse shelters to pastors, many people know what to do in specific situations. If someone does not understand, try to help them understand. If they cannot offer usable answers, find someone else. Books written on this topic, webpages, and support groups may provide the know-how for getting out from under someone’s control. Check the links throughout this post.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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