By Nancy Virden (c)2023

Instead of saying, “Let me help you,” or just stepping in, try, “May I help?” and “How can I help?”

Fixers like to be in control and for some reason they tend to think they have the answer to most situations. Meanwhile, if forceful enough, they can take our opportunities to process away. They can trample on our problem-solving skills and development.

For example, if every time you needed a change of clothes a fixer handed you your next outfit, when would you get to choose what to wear? You can ignore their offerings, but what if the fixer is someone in authority? Accepting their choices may be the easiest, least confrontational route you tell yourself. Eventually, you lose the will to fight for your right to choose your own clothes. You will not have learned anything about what you like, colors that match, styles, and so on.

Let’s say it is not clothing, and instead, the fixer wants to handle all your big and little challenges. If this began early enough in your life, you will be an anxious person and will not have learned how to think critically.

The wisest parents and teachers leave us with a right to choose when it is age appropriate. Jesus was this kind of teacher. He did not follow people around and dictate their every move. He even asked people who were blind or lame, “Do you want to be healed?” A fixer wouldn’t ask.

Next time you see someone in need of help, ask them what you can do or if they want you to do anything. Do not be a fixer, be a real helper.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 25:4-5

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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