By Nancy Virden (c)2023

I’ve heard a lot of lame excuses, but this one made me angry. The writer was a convicted sex offender trying to explain his sexual abuse of his stepdaughter. His whining included: It only happened once; I barely touched her; I never thought about it or planned it; something just came over me; it will never happen again; I’m not that kind of guy.”

I tried similar downplaying as a young culprit of one minor household misdemeanor or another, and my mother would have none of it. Here’s why:

Taking personal responsibility

a) It does not matter if you have never done the wrongdoing before; you have done it now.

b) It does not matter if you failed to do more harm; you did this much and it was wrong.

c) No one grabbed your arm and made you do anything. You are in control of your body.

d) Still think you were a victim of some strange power? Then how can you promise it will never happen again?

e) Aren’t you exactly the type of person to do this wrong since you are the one who did it?

Encourage the boundaries of victims

We are quick to encourage fairness even when a situation is blatantly unfair. This leads us to say to a victim of abuse, “Give them (their offender) another chance.” We struggle to believe what we cannot see, and if the offender has always appeared nice to us, we will be slow to believe he or she is not good.

Truth is, separation or the end of the relationship may be what is best for the survivor. Whether we understand or not, it is best to support anyone who is trying to stay safe. Doubtless, we will hear excuses and semi-admittances from the abuser. It never makes sense to support cheap excuses.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 22:3

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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