By Nancy Virden (c)2023

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here. If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Nancy’s suicide story 1988 / Nancy’s suicide story 2005 / Nancy’s suicide story 2011

No story, particularly one involving a lifespan can be told in three blogs. There are more details and complexities. No suicide or suicide attempt can be explained by a simple few facts of life. I have placed much responsibility for my depressive episodes and suicidal ideations on my husband and abuse in general. While I know these were heavy triggers, I alone am responsible for my decisions. I alone am responsible for saving my own life.

I say I did not understand the truth and that childhood messages of violence and lies deeply interfered with my ability to grasp it. I want every reader to know that it was my decision when I was old enough, to not discuss any of it until I was in crisis. I did not seek help or else sabotaged the help I had. I did not ask for advice or to listen to the advice given. Secrets destroy and it was my choice to keep things secret.

My motives were not always pure. I have been as self-protective as the next guy and allowed self-righteousness to hold me up above the darkness in my own heart. It is true I was deceived. It is also true I did not know what to do. Still, it was my choice to allow my husband’s approval to mean more to me than the will to live.

I am not excusing the behaviors of those who hurt me. No, their decisions were wrong. I do not, however, want to cause anyone to think that suicide is a way out because of being a victim. Regardless of how we are treated, there is an escape through our relationship with God. Taking Him at His Word that He passionately loves His children, can provide hope for the possibilities of a better day.

I remember praying, “God, I do not see it, but if there is some way you can take this pain and turn it into a blessing, let me know how.” It took a long time, I think. Maybe it did not take so long. Pain does not prevent us from purpose.

Death by suicide is not a solution. Living in the strength and hope that God provides, is.

Learn to trust Him. Get professional help. Read and study the Word if you can. Pray, even if all you can say is “God, Help me.”

He will.

Your rescue begins with you.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 40:11-17 (Prayer of King David)

Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.  Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.

Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me. May those who try to destroy me be humiliated and put to shame. May those who take delight in my trouble be turned back in disgrace. Let them be horrified by their shame, for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”

But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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