At the End of All Options – Do the Unthinkable and Welcome Emotions

By Nancy Virden (c)2020

Once I had a friend who called occasionally just to talk.  After chatting for some time, she would say, “I’ll let you go now.”

My response was literal. “Oh, I do not need to go yet,” and the conversations continued at length.

One day she said, “I’m not calling you anymore because we do not get off the phone.” My only thought was, why didn’t she tell me she needed to hang up?

Born (or raised) with a more literal type of thinking process, hints pass over my head. The school o’ hard knocks has awkwardly taught me most social rules I know. It took someone yelling at me years later to finally catch the polite social cue behind “I’ll let you go.” 

Thoughtful Thought #1

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.
-Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend¹


Most often, cluelessness about social cues results in false accusations and assumptions about my motives. My phone behavior changed because I do care – and always have – about respecting other people’s time. The pain of harsh consequences is the motivator. 

A woman recently said she wants to talk about her family concerns but will not because of the consequences she usually pays for sharing. Many people are safe and she cannot trust that. One day the pain of silence may become greater than her fear.

Thoughtful Thought #2

For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.                -HealthyPlace.com²


Like missing social cues because of lack of information, for some of us, the world of emotions is a strange unknown. We do not understand or recognize how we feel or that feelings are permissible. We miss out on the freedom to discover a whole new life of richer love and satisfaction.

This was true for me most of my life. Locked in pain, eventually, the idea of surviving without change became unbearable. Once beyond the possibility of self-repair, the unthinkable happened – I began talking, and finally, people could help.

My urgent prayer is that you do the unthinkable before it is too late – welcome the world of emotions.  Reach out for counsel from the wise and everything can change. 

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 19:8  Young’s Literal Translation

Whoso is getting heart is loving his soul, He is keeping understanding to find good. 


Nancy Virden Seminar, May-2016
Photo Joe Boyle Photography

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 


NOTE: I am not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.., Carlo Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved

¹Henry Cloud. Henry Cloud Quotes, Goodreads. Retrieved on 2020, May 28 from (

²Holly, K. (2019, March 29). Mental Health Quotes and Sayings, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, May 27 from 

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