True Love versus the Narcissist: Which is the Love You Know?

By Nancy Virden (c)2020

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,  always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

True love

Does the above sound like a love you’ve known? What is described is true love. 

True love does not have to be romantic. It is an action and a choice. We can experience true love with a friend or family member. Nonromantic true love is the giving of oneself for the purpose of the best interests of another party.

If romance is part of the equation, true love is more than sexual pleasure. It is devotion and commitment to the wholeness of the opposite partner.  

Again I ask. Which is like the love you’ve known?

True love versus narcissistic non-love

The very opposite of true love is what one receives from a narcissist. If you suspect you are in such a relationship, pay attention. 

Since God’s very nature is true love, his love includes the sacrifice and consistent supportive presence we want to share with a special person. No human is able to accomplish this level of love consistently. Nonetheless, if one acts as if the rules of common decency, let alone true love, do not apply to him or her, we can expect they do not have the love of God in them. 

God’s love is perfect and unending. Narcissists believe they share love but have no concept of what that means beyond what they take. God will not break a tender heart. Narcissists expect patience and kindness even as they abuse a person’s spirit.

Only God has reason to request our worship. The narcissist’s boasting, power plays, and blaming are the fruits of sinful pride. All narcissists do is seek reward for themselves.

God is slow to anger, and once we confess our sins he throws them far away, never to bring them up again. Sometimes a narcissist is easily angered, and you can bet he or she keeps score! Unlike God, for whom it is impossible to lie, narcissists live in falsehood. They are experts at a cover-up. I suspect this is why they cannot trust. 

God says he is our refuge, our hiding place. Narcissists do not protect, they set-up. God rejoices with us and mourns with us.  The narcissist will not carry hope for or express shared emotions because no one can turn a narcissist from persevering at self-interests. 

Which is like a love you know?

God loves well. I am finding that spending time with him is a peaceful and fulfilling lifestyle, especially as supposed to despairing in the shadows of narcissists. God is the perfect heavenly Father who wants to welcome you into his true love.

Today’s Helpful Word  

Philippians 1:3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.


Nancy Virden Seminar, May-2016
Photo Joe Boyle Photography

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 


NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional, and speak only from personal experiences and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.
If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.., Carlo Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

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