Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c) 2018 Nancy Virden, Always The Fight Ministries

For most of life I allowed others to decide my worth. Attempts at self-esteem and confidence easily crumbled at another’s disapproval. A war of hateful and critical words took over my thoughts regularly. My hope for happiness and peace rested in the occasional genuine affirmation.

That sounds grim, does it not? Pathetic. Yet so many people live in that water world, doggy-paddling their way through wave after wave of self-loathing.  Many of those same people desperately cling to the approval of others as a lifeline.

Needing to please others is a trap. So are isolation and negative self-talk. Truth is, by noting each day a positive attribute of one’s own, we build roadways to total freedom.

It took therapy for a few years to conclude my value is inherent. So is yours. Go on a treasure hunt and discover your worth.

(1) What do you enjoy doing? If you think to yourself, “I’m boring,”  are you with friends who appreciate what you like? If not, maybe you will benefit from finding others with your interests.

(2) What are your characteristics? Did you know that each perceived “flaw” has a positive opposite that you can nurture? Examples:

• If you repeat yourself so much that others express annoyance, go where talking is valued, such as long-term health facilities like nursing homes or with hospitalized children.  Multiple short visits will be appreciated.
• Are you stubborn? Dig into a worthwhile cause and use your energies for good. Stand up for the oppressed.
• Do you withdraw from crowds? See that as a strength and use your preference for small groups and one-on-one to become a mentor or work behind the scenes.

(3) Pour into your belief system the truth about your value. Does someone disparage you, play games with your mind, or treat you like mud? Write down and keep affirmations with you, talk to supporters, read positive books, ask God to show you, and refuse to fall for the lies. If you cannot leave such a person, dismiss them as a ranting ignoramus. Combat such foolishness with a list of your strengths.

(4) Live what you love. My sense of value took a strong turn toward health when I began again to use my gifts and talents. Art, teaching, research, writing… these are a few of my joys.

This treasure hunt will take various turns and lead you a long way. The X on the spot is not a one-sure-thing that makes you valuable. No, you ARE valuable. This search is to open your heart to that truth.