Compassionate Love: Displaying Compassion for Those Who Struggle with Mental Illness   (c)2016 Nancy Virden

Many readers of this blog are concerned with how to be effective support, how to “be there” for a depressed loved one. There are plenty of answers to that question, so let’s look at the basics.

Helping others in a relevant way begins with realizing our human basic need for meaningful relationships.

Eastern State Penitentiary is a nearly two-hundred-year-old, closed prison originally built with rehabilitation in mind. It was state-of-the-art, a unique institution when it was constructed in 1829. The theory behind it was that isolation provides criminals time to reconsider their misdeeds and become “penitent,” or reformed citizens.

Each of these prisoners had important relationships within the penitentiary – the guards who silently dropped off their food every day and who gave them a few minutes outside in the sun. These sentinels were valued for what good they offered, nonetheless, there was no deep connection with them. These relationships were feared as well. Men in charge would abuse their power with psychological and physical punishments.

Interaction with anyone else was forbidden.  Cell doors were designed to filter out noise. Outside, the exercise area was divided by high walls so prisoners couldn’t communicate. Inmates were not allowed to have any visits with family or friends. This severe disconnect from meaningful relationships caused prisoners to lose their minds. Clearly, isolation is insidiously harmful, and no cure for waywardness.

Isolation as a symptom of depression is both fuel for and a response to the condition. We can struggle with this aspect of a loved one’s pain and may be tempted to tell him or her to quit hiding. In Christian circles, we may mistakenly imply that no one has to suffer loneliness or depression because we have God.

We all face pain because of rejection or isolation at times. If our relationship with God is all we need, the complete picture of our joy and peace, he would not have made us for each other. If communion with him is the fulfillment of every aspect of the abundant life he promises, there would have been no cause for both Adam and Eve. Why would he bless us with children, friends, co-workers, or the church?

Of course, God is the ultimate solution for all yearnings of the heart.  You have no argument from me on that point. He is present and talks with his people. He is also the creator, provider, and way-maker. Still, often he builds us up by leading us to the right people at the right time.

For an individual with depression, mental health professionals are some of those right people. As supports, we can be effective help by sitting beside, listening to, and patiently waiting through a loved one’s struggle.

God created us for each other. He meets our legitimate need for connection by placing us in the path of other human beings.