Compassionate Love: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2014 Nancy Virden

People are afraid of death.

Or dying.

Or of being alone when they die.

This is one reason why we have denial of symptoms, refusal to see the doctor or hypochondria. Sometimes phobias, OCD, superstitions, anxiety, and depression are fed by a fear of death. This is why some researchers suggest that the reason we tuck away our seniors in nursing homes is to keep death out of sight and out of mind. 

I knew a man who had been “stored” in an unfinished basement and left there with a port-a-potty and a bed. Food was brought to him, he had an occasional visit by his son, and he begged those who came by to just talk with him. He was refused.

There was another man whose money was the reason his stepson kept him. This “caretaker” would not allow family members to see his stepfather alone, did not feed him much and stole his property.

Stories like these can make us afraid. We wonder if one day it will be us packed away as if we are nothing.

My father’s situation is such that I cannot take him in and keep him safe. Without other family involved he is going to live in that home until his death. Even though he is in a top-notch organization, It hurts me to see how lonely and dejected he gets. I call him regularly and visit as often as I can from another state. At least he is better off than the man in the basement.

Small comfort.

Maybe there is not much I can help him with from far away except to find volunteers to visit him, however, there is more I can do for me and another lonely senior. I can visit locally.

Yesterday I signed up as a volunteer visitor. My “assignment” will be named in a few days. I look forward to meeting her.  What life has she lived? How can I show respect for her age and experience?

Although I do not consider myself afraid of death, I can be fearful of aging. What richness would be added to our society if we practiced respect for our elderly? I know I will be comforted by making a new friend and she will be too.

An anti-fear of death and dying potion is to stop denying, invest in respect for all life, and to become uncomfortable with the status quo so that we can comfort and be comforted.

******