By Nancy Virden (c)2025

Fifteen years ago this week, my fighting and resilient spirit died. I remember when it happened. I was in the living room, where a suicide attempt would later take place, looking at the profile of my husband, who refused to look at me.

I approached my spouse, calmly confessing that my thoughts were growing dark. However, there he sat, ignoring my plea for help, turning on the TV in response to my hopelessness and despair. His lack of concern was evident.

That is when I died.

I had expected him to turn and look at me and ask if I was ok. Or I hoped? Suddenly, the veil fell off, and reality hit; his confession years earlier that he did not love me was true. He never had. There would be no change in him, and the thin strand of idealistic and denial-held longing for love snapped. Without it, my will to live disappeared.

He has divorced me, remarried, our sons are in their mid-thirties, and I still struggle with mental health. A sense of purpose and joy comes and goes. Diagnoses have finally landed on a milder form of bipolar, something developed in childhood. Therapy continues. One of my worst days was, surprisingly, only a few weeks ago, on December 31, 2025.

That desperate Tuesday, I did what always works, and cried out to God. Admitting to my pain and confusion, he began to lift me up as he always does. He gave me the boldness to make a huge decision to leave a stressful situation. He helped me rest and do just a little each day while I was recovering. As I was tenderly climbing out of the hole of emotional distress and overwhelm, he arranged for beautiful interactions with my sons, the strength for minor physical labor, and motivation to finish procrastinated duties. I found in him the courage to talk to people, and he, in answer to prayer, found me a job with pay, which starts this week. (Of course, the kindness of others was vital throughout, and I thank them too.)

His promises to be near the brokenhearted* and to redeem the years “the locusts have eaten”*, to give gladness in proportion to our former misery*, and to be with us until the end*, have shown to be true as he has faithfully provided a daily dose of mercy and grace over my lifetime. He does not change like the shifting shadows of love and relationships do.* His love is consistent.* His perfect role as Father* and the Almighty* is enough to remind me to hang on. Jesus’ name is powerful* against spiritual and other enemies, such as poverty and resentment. In him alone, I now place my hope.*

15 years have been a ride. With every sorrow has come a praiseworthy end. I lost a son for months, who returned with a 9-hour phone conversation. My dad died, who was tangibly met by God before he breathed his last. Friendships renewed and lost again led to new friends proving themselves to be of faithful character; terrible experiences with a few therapists kept me moving on until finding one who is reliable and professional; financial need is being met with the generosity of others and now work; feeling purposeless led to leading a support group where members’ needs are being powerfully met and to teaching an emotional resiliency class for 5 years now; having to sell my home landed me in a friend’s house where no abuse occurs (a first); recurring depression has taught me to be more proactive (using those resiliency skills!) and consistent with med compliance; and chronic diseases, while disabling, have opened broader doors via the internet than ever could have been reached in-person. There’s more, but you see the point.

All in all, what I most feared happened, and I’ve lived to tell about it. That was the work of God. He loves me and kindly brings me back from discouraging thoughts and emotions to the boldness of living for Him, today.

Here’s to 15 more if the Lord tarries!

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

2 Peter 1:2

May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.

*Psalm 34:18; Joel 2:25; Psalm 90:15; Matthew 28:20; James 1:16-18; Romans 8:38-39; John 16: 26-27; 2 Corinthians 6:17-18; Acts 4: 9-10; Psalm 33: 20-22

If you are feeling suicidal or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S., call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room; in the EU, call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here.) Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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