By Nancy Virden (c)2024

One of the most common misunderstandings is that a friend experiencing depression “needs space.” It seems like a given because the friend is not responsive to contact efforts, and may even grumble that they want to be left alone.

FACT: No one in crisis is helped by being alone. Isolation is one of the first symptoms of a disorder, especially depression. Like animals who hide when hurt, your friend does not want any more stress such as making decisions or being obligated to return favors. By adding pressure to respond, they may back off.

That person still needs help. Again, similarly to a hurt animal, your friend’s crisis calls for your participation. With depressive thoughts comes a sense of worthlessness. Hearing that you care and need them may not lift their spirits quickly, but it makes an important difference in that you give a contrary option to negative beliefs.

FACT: Anxiety and depression are buddies and seem to go almost everywhere with each other. You know that anxiety over specific concerns can become debilitating (for example, an irrational fear of germs). Anxious isolation as it relates to depressive thoughts has such potential.

Your friend in a depressive crisis may avoid helpful treatment, or suffer unemployment due to absenteeism. Impatience from loved ones creates more stress. Carrying the weight of an unfulfilled need which seems crushing in a depressive state, or a weakened sense of purpose often pushes one deeper into anxiety and depression. Suicidal thoughts can, but not necessarily will, grow in isolation. 

Call, text, send cards to, or visit your friend in crisis regularly for as long as it takes. Your responsibility is to prove yourself a friend. You may want to help in other ways (like rides to the doctor), nonetheless, your chief role is to show your friend that they are not alone or worthless to you. They are not experiencing a few days “in need of space”. No, they are in excruciating pain. You are necessary.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 18:23-24

 The poor plead for mercy; the rich answer with insults. There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. 

NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. This website is not intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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