By Nancy Virden (c)2024

It is healthy to draw reasonable boundaries. Boundaries are not about stopping your boss from piling your desk with work and impossible deadlines. Boundaries are the protection fences you draw around yourself. You decide what you will and will not allow into your life. This requires saying no.

How do you say no to a demanding person, especially if they have some authority over you? It is common to find people (especially women) overdoing and overstressing. Difficulty with saying no is the main culprit.

Here are some hints:

It is our responsibility to be the person we want to be and to live the life we want, just as it is the responsibility of others to choose how they want to be. It helps to know what we are and are not responsible for when choosing personal boundaries. 

What are you responsible for doing? Pick one answer per line. (Answers below)

1. Manage someone else’s happiness or place your decisions under the guidance of God.
2. Be the person you want to be or rearrange your priorities whenever someone says they need your help.
3. Make Yes/No decisions according only to your emotions or see that your needs are met.
4. Build and nurture positive and meaningful connections or be self-sufficient and never ask for help.
5. Rescue people from the consequences of what they’ve sown, and be the problem-solver whenever an external crisis or drama occurs or practice godly priorities.

Moses led a nation of more than a million people, serving as their only judge. He worked long days, and people who needed his intervention stood in torturous lines in the desert heat.  One day, his father-in-law asked, “Why are you the only judge? And why do people come to you all day?”

Moses said, “If people have an argument, they come to me, and I decide which person is right. In this way, I teach the people God’s laws and teachings.”

But Moses’ father-in-law had a healthier solution in mind. He said, “You cannot do this job by yourself. Yes, you should explain God’s laws and teachings to the people.  But you should also choose some of the people to be judges and leaders under you.” (abbreviated from Exodus 18).

When we want to make a difference for people, it helps to know our limitations. 

What are your limitations?

1. What I can afford to spend ______________________
2. How do I need to limit my emotional energy?
3. How do I need to limit myself physically?
4. Do I have time to spare? Consider how many hours and days of the week and time of year you are available.
5. What skills do I have?
6. Are there other personal limits?

Know what are your genuine responsibilities, and respect your limitations. In this way, you avoid losing yourself and living for someone else.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Answers to What are you responsible for doing? Place your decisions under the guidance of God; Be the person you want to be; see that your needs are met; Build and nurture positive and meaningful connections; Practice godly priorities.

Today’s Helpful Word

Romans 12:2

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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