By Nancy Virden (c)2017

Someone in the mental health profession once told me, “People can love someone and still do horrible things to them.”  Perhaps it’s my black-and-white way of thinking that will not allow me to accept this idea. Love is an action, not a feeling. Sweet, warm, and fuzzy feelings in and of themselves are not love; it must be proven. A person who relieves their anguish, lust, or tension on another is loving only themselves.

Watching a pretty girl walk down the street and thinking,  she’s hot. I think I love her, is not love. It may feel powerful and pleasing; only what one does with those feelings determines right from wrong and love or selfishness.

Love devotes oneself to another’s well-being. If the would-be-lover cannot back off (especially if he is asked to), it is not love. If the idea of commitment and remaining faithful to her through chronic illness, childbirth, death in the family, mental illness, or loss of youth or beauty turns him off, it is not love.

Love hopes all things and endures all things. Of course, when we love someone who loves us back, it feels awesome. These warm and happy emotions are wonderful. Here’s the test:  When wonder and joy slack off a bit, do we choose to behave lovingly anyway?  

If I take advantage of you, insult you, or hurt your feelings on purpose, I am being a jerk. I am not loving you. If you have expressed your dislike for how I treat you and do not see a long-term change in my behavior, I am not loving you. Love does not insist on its right to be abusive or selfish. Regardless of any excuses, it is true love’s job to stop abuse. Immediately. Every time.

Love is humble. It admits when we blow our opportunity to show kindness. It sincerely apologizes and does not mindlessly repeat the same hurtful behavior. If someone says they “couldn’t help it,” they are being immature and not making a viable excuse.

No, no one can love a person and do horrible things to them. Abusers claim they do.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁱt always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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