By Nancy Virden (c)2023

I once said to my dad, “Maybe we could see a counselor about what has happened in our family.”

He said reproachfully, “Are you still bothered by that?”

Bzzz. Wrong answer. I was only 19.

Dismissing someone’s need for time to heal is at best obtuse, and at worst, self-protective or mean. Instead of saying, “Move along…,” try, “I’m here for you.”

If you do not want to become involved in a person’s recovery at least be honest about that. It’s better than throwing another yoke of condemnation around their neck. The message I heard from my dad was that it was wrong or weak to still struggle. That meant I did not seek professional help for another eight years and not until I was mid-crisis.

Trauma survivors are not going to heal if never given an appropriate chance to do so. For me, not necessarily for everyone, that included a chance to talk about what had hurt and changed me. I needed to process aloud with someone who could respond in a healthy way. That meant a professional counselor as there was no one in my family who fit the bill.

Eventually, nearly thirty years later, I received effective help. If only “stop obsessing” (as one pastor suggested in my 20s) would have worked! No one escapes automatic trauma responses by sheer willpower. If we could, we would have already. We need healthy instructions and time to practice.

Let trauma survivors know that you are there for them as they heal. Recovery can take a while.

-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Proverbs 19:20

Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.

Psalm 19:7

The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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