By Nancy Virden (c)2023

His kiss was like a punch. Forcefully, angrily, he landed his lips on her cheek like an insult. It probably hurt his mouth.

I stood there, eyes agape, and all I could think was, “My parents just kissed.”

It was 1973, and my philandering father was heading out on a business trip to Japan. My mother was demanding he kiss her goodbye. In this household of screaming and arguing and hitting, I had never witnessed affection between my mom and dad.

Until now. And that was the sum of it. At age 12 the lesson I had been taught all my life was cemented: women are worth what a man says she is worth. Looking back, it comes as no surprise that I was so easily taken in by innocuous displays of caring and courtesy. Not knowing what true affection was supposed to be, sometimes I perceived more than was real. Eight years later, I married an abuser.

It seems I began to grow up after birthing our first child. I wanted to be a healthy role model and tried to set a good example. Baby number two gave me more motivation to learn and grow. Nonetheless, my chief identity, my sense of value was in earning love from my husband.

Have you ever noticed that a seed planted in the shade will lean into what light is available? This is great for a plant but for a confused human being searching for the light of affection, leaning into what is out of reach brings about pain and unfruitfulness.

This is why love from God is so important to me. It is unfailing, ever-present, and He shows it in myriad ways. Because He has never stopped reparenting me, I have grown up emotionally and recognize where I went wrong.

As Paul said in his letter to the church in Philippi, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved [perfection], but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
-COMMENTS WELCOME

Today’s Helpful Word

Romans 8:31-39 (Paul’s summation of God’s love)

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?  Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?  Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.  Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If you are feeling suicidal, or concerned about someone who is, in the U.S. call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or for a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.

If you are suicidal with a plan, immediately call 911 in the U.S. or go to your nearest emergency room. In the EU call 112. (For other international emergency numbers, go here ). Hope and help are yours!

Always the Fight Ministries (ATFM) has been displaying compassion for those fighting mental illness, addiction, or abuse since 2012. Nancy is the founder and voice of ATFM and openly shares her emotional resurrection from despair. NOTE: Nancy is not a doctor or a mental health professional, and speaks only from personal experience and observations. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental or behavioral health care.

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