Compassionate Love Blog: Displaying compassion for those who struggle with mental illness   (c)2016  Nancy Virden, Always the Fight Ministry

The most popular blogs have a number in the title – or so I am told.

3 Ways to Boost Your Confidence

6 Steps to Becoming the Real You

We love numbers because we can measure them. It comforts us to think our problems and solutions have a beginning and an end. If we want our bad habits and relationships fixed, it is simpler to read “3 Simple Solutions” than to do the time-costly and difficult introspection that precedes permanent change.

Obsession is in the mind and manifested in behavior.

Addictions are first and foremost obsessions. Addicts think about the next fix all day long. The where, when, and if of the fix greets the addict at the first light of day. It is the last thought before going to sleep. Addicts might be your friends and family members but are not able to deeply respond to you in healthy ways. Why? Because their thoughts are on the fix, not you.

Addicts hurt their loved ones because everyone else’s rights and needs fall second in priority to the obsession. Think about it – if you are not an addict and on your way to pick up your child from school, will you allow anyone to stop you? Now imagine replacing your child with the fix as your number one thought and priority. If an opportunity to achieve that fix arrives, will you let something so trite as picking your child up from school, stop you?

Obsession is an obsession, even when it is dotted with sugar or covered in gravy.

Food addiction is no different from other substance use except it seems more culturally acceptable than laying in a ditch or hiding in a filthy room waiting for a stranger to shoot God-knows-what into your veins. Food addiction has all the same symptoms, types of behaviors, deceit, and obsession as alcoholism and drug addiction.

Sober alcoholics, clean drug addicts, and recovering food addicts share the same story. We used to plan days, weeks, and months ahead of time for future fixes. We hid our substance where no one would find it. We stole money. We repeatedly did things we swore we would never do again. We did insane things for the fix – an alcoholic may have ingested rubbing alcohol, the drug addict may have stolen pain medication from an ill family member, and food addicts may have eaten trashed, or rotten food. All have put their health in peril. Secrecy, shame, and compulsive acting out are the commonalities.

Active food addicts fear not having access to their stash. They will manipulate situations and people to achieve their foremost goal – the fix. Food addicts will be unreasonably angry when the fix is withheld. Likely, food addicts will not eat much in public because the image of self-control is more important than self-control. A food addict will (at least inwardly) resent anyone who interferes with a fix.  They may hurt people in their adamant pursuit but will deny this is true.

Food addicts have many of the same excuses. “I just love food.” (Clearly. By the way, so does everyone else.) “I deserve this – no one else appreciates me.” (How would you know who appreciates you? You are busy hiding with your food.) “This is ‘me’ time” (Just you and your resentment, boredom, self-medication, loneliness, and fear) I am not mocking. This was my life.

Some people are hard drinkers or hard eaters and are not addicts.

Food addiction is not the extra pie at Thanksgiving. It is not the midnight snacks. It is not your preference for unhealthy foods. Addiction is an obsession of the mind and an addict cannot, I repeat, cannot stop. Hard eaters can determine one day to change their ways, go on a diet, and maintain weight loss. Because of this, the stigma of food addiction remains. Addicts cannot stop unless the psychological issue of obsession is addressed, and denial stops.

Due diligence is far more fruitful than instant solutions

In recovery, addicts need each other. There is nothing quick or easy about it. 12-step meetings are meant to keep us from being alone in our personal fight. The support of these groups and sponsors is key to success. The process of becoming a better (more sane) person is lifelong. It occurs with our continuous practice of the 12 steps.

More than anything, 12-step meetings and recovery depend on admitting our powerlessness over the fix. We recognize our own power failed us and always will. It is only the Highest Power that can save us from ourselves.

So we implore for this help. The original authors of the 12 steps understood our answer is God. I call him, Jesus. Asking for his help when a fix grips my mind is how I have ever been able to find the escape he offers. Complete honesty with God, within ourselves, and with another human being kicks secrecy and shame out the door. 

There’s no 1-2-3 Pow! Freedom from addiction is about due diligence. Turning our will over to God is a daily and lifelong challenge. Recovery is challenging but doable.

Today’s Helpful Word

Psalm 32: 2,3 NLT

“Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.”

-King David

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or mental health professional. I speak only from personal experiences with and observations of mental illness. In no way is this website intended to substitute for professional mental health care.