In the complicated world of mood disorders and recovery, time can pass by without much movement it seems in the direction one wants to go. Days, weeks, months, and even years are needed to change a mindset from one of denial and unhealthy compensation to one of awareness and healing. Yes, I said years.
It has been two and one half years since I gave up on life and my fight for inner peace. My counselors say I’ve been doing well in terms of how fast I’ve been recovering. I feel I am crawling, and am not easy on myself when I think how long it is taking for me to transform into some ideal of normal.
A counselor has asked me to go into residential treatment for trauma. Denial of past trauma and its effects, as well as an uncomfortable acceptance of pain, have helped to keep me stuck in an irritating go-around of can and cannot, success and failure, and black and white thinking. If deep change is going to occur, past trauma and unhealthy coping have to be faced.
That is what I am going to be doing for a while. I am entering a residential treatment center I hope will provide a safe and professional place in which to approach this battle. I’m scared. Your prayers are appreciated.
I’ll be out of touch while I’m there; there will be no blog or event updates on this website. In the meantime, please remain a follower of this blog, and check out the archives. I’d be disappointed to lose you during my absence, nonetheless, if you are a regular reader you know I believe in self-care. This is something I have to do.
Please take care of yourself as well.