79 comments

• 

  I have a 35 year old son that is sick with Mental illness. He is a Electrical engineer gradute. Very very smart. he is living on the streets in Portland, OR areas. I am beyond heartbroken and do not know how to get on with my life. I wallow in this depression anad anxiety status begging God to help him. Nobody else will let me help him. not even he knows he is sick. It is a very painful experience and I am very sorry for all the mom’s like me. (us) If there was someway we could form some sort of Movement.?? It associate it with a parent with altzheimers. They get help.!!! 

  Any real help to deal with this is welcome. But I have tried everything I can think of and fail daily.

  LikeLike

  • 

    I know someone in ministry in the Portland area. I could contact him and see if he knows of anything to help. I need your son’s name and anywhere you think he might be. Send it to my email NancyVirden.hope@gmail.com.

    LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  Hello. I am 70 years young and have a 48 yo daughter that suffers from Paranoid Delusional Disorder. It’s been very severe over the last 13 years. She’s been divorced twice and lost custody of her son because of it. She had become estranged from me and her family over these years, coming back into my life when she feels desperate. I only saw my grandson when he was 3 months old, 6 months old when she was involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric facility for threatening to kill me over the phone in the presence of her then husband and a police officer. I was hoping she would get the help she needed then, but after two weeks, in which I stayed at her home to watch my grandson while his dad worked and visited her, she was discharged and immediately stopped meds and therapy and kicked out. After that, it was 4 years before I heard anything from them, until her husband had a serious work related accident, had multiple surgeries, she called me desperate that he might die. I flew to her immediately. Stayed with her and sat at the hospital daily. I’m a nurse, so I could explain medical things to her. But after another unsuccessful surgery to stop his bleeding, my daughter had a complete meltdown in the ICU waiting area, screaming that people were trying to kill her family. I took her to the ER so she could be seen by a doctor and get admitted herself. That’s when they diagnosed her with Delusional Disorder. But once again, they released her after a week, and once her husband was better, she made me leave. It was 6 years after that of no word from them. Not seeing or hearing anything about my only grandchild. 2 years ago, she called me
  Out of the blue to say her husband moved out and took their son with them. She begged me to help her fix it. She came to stay with me for a week. I was straight with her about her illness and she promised to get help if he would come back. He did. But last January he called me and said he’d had enough and divorced her and has full custody of his son. She is now homeless. No job. No car. She threatened suicide which got her into a hospital overnight, but she’s out again.

  I pray to God every day. I surrender to him. But I can’t let go. It’s like I’m grieving constantly over a wound that won’t heal. I keep waiting for the call that she’s dead. Or her calling me to come home. But just this past month, she told me I’m not her mother, that my sister is her mother. Her delusions are far worse. Trying to get her help is futile as the laws prevent me from getting her in a hospital.
  All I can do is pray. But I pray with pain in my heart and tears in my eyes. There is no end.

  LikeLike

  • 

    I’m so sorry for this great suffering. No mother will completely “let go” of her child. However there must be a way for you to live the life God intends for you. Will the ex-husband allow you to see your grandchild? It could help you tremendously to find a counselor for yourself. You are grieving a loss that is not complete. I’m not sure there is a tougher grief than that.

    LikeLike

    • 

      Thank you for responding. Yes. I’m now able to see and communicate with my grandson. His dad has been wonderful. And I do see a family counselor couple times a month. I guess my real question is, if God is with us during our trials, when does his peace come? I pray daily for it. I find myself questioning him. Can be relate to my, our, pain. I do however believe he’s had a hand in my ability now to see my grandson. But there’s a degree of pain with that, as it’s sad to know what my daughter is missing.

      LikeLike

      • 

        I do not believe God’s peace means pain-free. Peace is knowing he is in control and we do not have to scramble or worry ourselves sick to make things turn out as they should. God’s mercy is so beyond our imagination, we do ourselves a disfavor to forget that he holds our children, he know things we do not such as how he is speaking to their hearts, and it is not his will that any should perish. We can trust that even as we hurt- and that, in my humble opinion and experience, is peace.

        LikeLike

• 

  I have a 28 y.o son who has been struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, Severe anxiety Dz and Socio/Psychopathic behavior. He spent time in jail for physically abusing the mother of his 2 young boys. He has battled with drug addiction and alcohol use. He refuses to accept our Lord as his savior and he refuses to get mental health help bc he stay he doesn’t believe in it. He expects me to help him whenever he needs a place to stay or eat or shower or take care of my grandsons at his convenience. I have been a soothing passive permissive parent of my adult trouble child and it is causing problems in my marriage and relationship with my other children. No matter how hard I pray, meditate or distract myself, I can’t shake or resolve the guilt, shame and judgement I have against myself. I need to be free from this. Each time I attempt to talk with him about his inability to process or pursue the things he needs to do to become a more productive stable person, he always becomes extremely defensive and irrational. I’m tired….

  LikeLike

  • 

    Dear sister in Chirst, You matter too. The life God has for you does not include being enslaved by someone else’s sin. Your son has diagnoses and challenges, yes. But he has chosen to run from the truth. You have told him the truth, a judge told him the truth, and even prison was not enough warning; what makes you think you can change him? You cannot. Your quality of life matters. Your other children and your husband matter and actually deserve your best self. Leave the challenging son to God and let go of what you cannot control. PLease see a counselor for yourself, learn to trust God with the hardship, and get back on track as a whole person. Much love, Nancy

    LikeLike

• 

  Uggh…. so many similar, sad, heart wrenching stories. The guilt… the misplaced guilt that is ….that I’ve learned. My adult daughter who is 26 was diagnosed with borderline personality snd sociopath tendencies back when she was 18. She is currently homeless living in a tent in the woods. She has a one year old son who lives with the father and his grandparents. She has burned all her bridges with family and friends, but the biggest killer is I know the illness has caused a great deal of her struggle/problems . She doesn’t have any hard drug habits just the weed which I know exacerbates her already delicate frame of mind. She’s been on countless meds which as she says makes her feel like her brain is being sucked out with a turkey baster, and nothing has been successful and sadly it’s all trial by error until they get it right…. If the patient will even stick with it, & It’s been almost 10 years. The last text I got was completely narcissistic, she’s is VERY angry and hates me because I should allow her to live with me, I am her mon and shame on me for allowing her to rot. I can take her (maybe) for a couple of hours depending on her mood….but she is a rollercoster at best. She causes much drama, arguments, divisiveness, yelling and threatening … and I can’t have her here. She refuses to work, and claims she can’t because of the BP. Not sure hiw much if that is true, because she us certainly capable of doing other things. I am having great difficulty with her homelessness. I want to fix her situation, but know it won’t help in the long run. I ache for her and pray constantly for her. She says my family keeps shoving God down her throat, that our love is conditional because we had rules that she would not abide by and does not like any form of authority . She’s been kicked out of shelter and now no where to go. The images of her in a tent while it is freezing cold or pouring (like now) gives me such anxiety I want to throw up. I constantly have images and thoughts of her being found dead and it is literally driving me out of my mind. My parents always direct me to prayer, reading, memorizing verses to repeat in my head….but when my anxiety doesn’t allow me to sleep or wakes me up in a sweat I feel like I’m going to lose it….anyone have any other suggestions?

  LikeLike

  • 

    I could give you strategies to help with anxious thoughts, but you can read them on my blog. The ONLY thing that has helped me with anxiety concerning my adult children is totally giving them to God with trust in His love for them, praying for their safety but not obsessing, and moving on. So easy, right? (NO, but it gets easier). I recommend you see a counselor to help you work through these fears. YOU MATTER TOO and God has a plan for you that does not involve being paralyzed or shut down by someone elses’ choices.

    LikeLike

• 

  I have a son that has been homeless now for almost 2 years. First he was living in his truck, then went to living with a girl, to living in his truck again and now he is in the mountains living in the woods. This all started when he got divorced. He was abusing his wife, so they separated and did the off and on again thing for a couple of years. In his teen years he had a problem with marijuana and I put him in rehab, where he was diagnosed bi- polar. He Denys that he has this and won’t take medication and refuses to see any counselors, he 37 and homeless. He has distance himself from us, his family, it started out with just leave me alone don’t call me or come and see me… to threatening our lives and cursing us out. Telling us we don’t care about him and just screaming at us. He can’t live with us, because of his threats, but refuses to let us help. He blames us for everything that has happen to him in his life… taking ownership for nothing. Demands money from me like it’s just hanging on a tree in my backyard. He always say he wish he was dead…. The only way I can see how he is doing is to watch his tic tok videos, which he has a following of girls/women that give him money from time to time. He needs help, but I don’t know how to help him, besides the fact that he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. I don’t have any control to do anything except suffer from a broken heart and feel guilty when I am eating a meal or having the family over without him. He truly believes that we are traitors, and don’t care about him.

  LikeLike

  • 

    I believe there is always hope which is why I wrote this post. Thank you for sharing your story here. You may find some encouragement and ideas from other comments and replies – especially about taking care of yourself. You matter too.

    LikeLike

  • 

    I’m so sorry and truly understand what you’re going through. I too feel guilty when I can shower, eat, and sleep comfortably. I just went to visit him in CO. I found out the area where he was and communicated a meeting place. I sobbed when I saw the struggle and pain on his face and the dirty and torn clothes he was wearing. But also was glad to be able to see him and let him know I love him. He didn’t smile much but appreciated his shower at the hotel and the food and clothes I bought him. Honestly, I hear lots of advice on how to handle him, including the enabling part, but those were very special brief moments. As a mother of an adult child with addiction, I will always love and care for him even if against what others say I should do. Thank you for reaching out. I hope and pray that you will too be able to have a visit.

    >

    LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  It has been 10 months since I have heard from my daughter directly. The only clue I have to her whereabouts are online searches and checking Vinelink to see if she has been arrested. She has been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and uses methamphetamine and whatever else she can get. She has been beaten, exploited and abused. We tried to help her. Her aunt, who is a psychiatric nurse was able to assist in getting her admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was prescribed medication, had food and a safe warm bed to sleep in. Within a week it was like the fog lifted from her mind. She was transferred to a rehab center, she stopped taking the antipsychotic medication and 2 weeks later she left against medical advice.
  Her breakdown started in Eugene Oregon and she has travelled from there to Del Norte, Humboldt, and Stanislaus Counties in California. The rehab center was in Santa Monica so now she drifts from different jurisdictions / counties down there. She does not have a car – I fear she is picked up by men and dropped off wherever.
  I think of her all the time. I pray. I have grown so weary. Last year I participated in a 12 Step program with Celebrate Recovery. I know that God loves our children even more than we do. And He is with them when we cannot be with them. But I still ache to hold my baby girl and and tell her it is going to be ok. I miss her.
  She has 2 younger brothers who are young teens. I feel so torn. My heart breaks that she is missing out on them, and they her. I feel hopeless today.

  LikeLike

  • 

    The pain is real. It pounds at us some days while on other days we experience more rest. Our moods rise and fall and we grow weary, But there is One who does not change like the shifting shadows of time. Thank God He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His promises for our children will not fail. Try to rest, keeping your eyes on Jesus and His Word. Keep your hope ultimately in HIM and not in your dreams for your family. See: James 1:17; Psalm 73:26; Hebrews 13:8; 2 Corinthians 1:19-20; Psalm 90:14-16

    LikeLike

• 

  My adult son is homeless. To make a long story shorter, he began taking opioids prescribed for pain because of a work related accident. That was at least 2 years ago. Since that time where his addiction caused divorce, he has been homeless. First starting with living in a small camper on someone’s property to now sleeping in sheds or abandoned cars. He has lost everything. He has MRSA. He is constantly asking for help so he can eat, pay for gas for someone to take him somewhere, etc.
  As his mom, I get a sense of peace knowing that I can help. I’m at the end of my rope financially, emotionally, and am exhausted. There is so much more to the story but I’m at a point where I fear for his life. People can tell me I’m a co-dependent and honestly, I probably am. I was very poor & hungry when I was young and as a single raised him struggling to make ends meet. It hurts terribly to know he’s hungry and struggling. – Mom.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Your story breaks my heart and yet is so familiar. How are we as moms supposed to suddenly “let go” of adult children after watching over them so carefully as children? Well, our hearts never will let go. The difficult lesson is that until we let go physically and financially our adult children may never see the need to look in the mirror. This is a horrendous journey for moms. Trusting them into the hands of God is, in my opinion, the only hope for peace of mind we have.

    LikeLike

    • 

      Yes, I pray for him every day. I wish there was help out there for him but even in-patient treatment centers don’t except Medicaid. So of course my question is how is a homeless person supposed to pay for help? As a mom I can only imagine the horrible conditions he has to face every day. He is in Denver CO and I’m in Michigan. Many times I feel guilt for being able to shower and have a bed to sleep in. It’s too hard for me to let go. He has no one else who cares. Please pray for him.

      LikeLiked by 1 person

      • 

        How strange that I came upon This site and this post. My son is also homeless in Denver colorado. He does not have any alcohol or drug addictions but he has bipolar and does not want to take medication. I live in Wisconsin. I totally get what you’re going through I pray all the time! When he emails me or sends me a text I breathe this I relief knowing he is still alive and safe with his dog. I can only hope and pray that he reaches out to me one day and wants me to fly there to pick him up with his dog and bring him home. He knows he is loved and he has a place to stay as long as he agrees to taking medication. He has been homeless there since mid june. I drove him out there to live with his aunt and after 2 weeks he left there and decided to be homeless. It breaks my heart! I have four other kids. They are all doing well and it is very hard to continue my day today time and trying to be present for my other children. He is constantly in my mind which is not fair to my other children but I don’t know any way to get around that. I go to therapy once a week now. I am on an antidepressant. I have been for 3 years. I do have Xanax to get me through the hard times when needed. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk! I am on facebook!

        LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  I received a call from In & Out. There was a young girl on the phone, her voice a little shaken, who asked “is this Sarah’s mom?” i said “yes, what is wrong?” She then told me that i needed to go pick up Sarah from work, because something was wrong. I asked her what’s wrong is she sick or something ? She said, “Sarah is going from laughing and then starts crying and she says she feels like people can read her mind”.

  When Sarah got home, she was showing the same strange behavior. She began crying, i asked her what was worng, but she couldn’t say. Then all of a sudden she began to laugh and started talking about all kinds of strange things. She then went from that to screaming and anger. My first thought was “someone must have given her something”. I rushed her to the emergency room, hoping they could shed some light, and drug test her. When they were done evaluating her, they told me that she tested negative for all drugs except cannabis. At that they told me that she may be having a psychotic break and to take her to the walk in clinic

  We took her to the walk in clinic. There wasn’t one in little town so we had to take her to one about 45 minutes away. I remember walking in with her. The two girls who were minding the front, were staring at Sarah. Their faces were just strange the way they were like trying to read her without asking any questions. I remember thinking, “did these girls overtake the office and they have the real counselors tied up somewhere ?” We waited for hours, At this time, Sarah was on board, she was trying to figure out if what she was feeling/seeing/hearing was real. It was heartbreaking for me to see her in that state but I was going to do whatever I could to help her get through it.
  That was 13 years ago. Since then, she has been in and out of mental hospitals, too many times for me to remember. She has also been arrested numerous times as well.
  She was only 19 years old at the onset of this horrible disease. She had just graduated from high school with honors. She held her job at in and out for 4 years while going to school. She had just purchased a brand new car. She also played volleyball while in high school and loved doing plays at school as part of the thespian society. Her life was filled with hope and promise and she had so much potential.
  Today, Sarah is not only fighting her mental illness, but also fighting a spiraling opioid addiction. She has been raped, abused, mulled by a pit bull, used, tossed aside, and used again. She now lives on the streets. Going from one drug house to another. Her behavior has gotten so much worse since the addiction, and as much as I my heart breaks with her being on the streets, I can’t house her, her behavior on the opioids is unmanageable. She has been to rehab 3 times. Even though the rehabs say they are :dual diagnosis”, they have had to send her away due to her behavior. The last rehab she was in, went well, she stayed clean for a year. I finally felt I had my daughter back. Didn’t mind the mental illness anymore, that part is easy compared to the opiod use. But then, she moved back to our small town, and within 6 months she was showing signs once again.

  It is my wish now, that I can find some way to change the laws regarding how and who can get help. She doesn’t know she needs help. I have advocated for her for years, but there is no way for me to get help for her. The way our mental illness laws are set up, right now, makes it impossible for a parent or concerned other. Right now, unless she says, she needs help; thats the only way she will get help, and she has no sense of reality The laws need to change so we can help our children. This is one very big reason why our streets are filling up with homeless, almost zombie like youth who can’t get the help they need. The only way to get help now, is if they are an immediate danger to themselves or others, or if they are “Gravely Disabled”. The definition of “Gravely Disabled”, is, so far fetched from what it should be. “Gravely Disabled ” should be someone who has no idea they are sick. As it stands now, the definition is if they are basically dieing and on top of that, if there is a third party that is willing to help them, they are not concidered, Gravely Disabled “.

  This is what I am fighting for, and God has gotten me through the past 13 years, I pray He helps me find a way to change the laws that govern mental illness. You are right, Always the fight!

  LikeLike

  • 

    Wow! My heart breaks for you and Sarah. Yes, we need an overhaul of mental health laws and insurance parity as well. Thank you for sharing your mother-heart story.

    LikeLike

• 

  Feels like I finally found a place where I can read of others who are trying to help their adult children through, what i would call, the worse case scenario. I have been trying everything in my power to help my daughter who was diagnosed with mental illness at age 19 and is now 31. I haven’t gotten to read all the comments but I don’t feel so alone after reading some of them. Thank you for this. It is my hope we can find ways to bring change to this situation. Thank you again.

  LikeLike

  • 

    You are so welcome. I am surprised at how many people like yourself have responded to this thread. Glad it helps. Blessings, Nancy

    LikeLike

• 

  I am a single mother of a 23 year old daughter who is mentally unstable. Shes been diagnosed as having schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and a list of other medical conditions. She is a cutter. She left home years ago and outside of being incarcerated for yr in half shes been back and forth in mental institutions. Shes been home and left home on numerous occasions. She’s worn out her welcome with different people due to her behavior and how she talks to people. I took her and her boyfriend in off the streets during a time they had no where else to go and the people i was renting from ultimately evicted me and her younger brother as a result of a incident that had occurred which left me with the option of kicking them both out. I made the boyfriend leave and begged her to stay although the person i was renting from said they both had to go. She decided to follow the follow the boyfriend and when they arent living with other people theyve pretty much been back on the streets since for like 3 mnths now. If they arent living with someone they are on the streets due to being kicked out because of her mouth and attitude issiues. I am bout to pull my hair out. I cant really take them in due to the fact that i am currently renting again. I fear taking them in and issues being caused where i currently live that gets us kicked out again. Im spending money i dont have on motel rooms as i can to help them. Still i am the enemy! Just this morning i get a text from the both asking me for food. Which i say yes of course ill bring yall some food. Upon asking them if they were still at the motel room i just payed one night for last night, they inform me for right now. Can u please buy another night. I am not financially able to continue doing this! When i inform them no im not able to then of course i am the bad guy. Mind you we are a family of love. I love my daughter and have done all i know to help her. However when i am not able to financially help her by purchasing a motel room i am the bad guy. We dont care for her and we have just broken her. (Her words). She thought she had a family that loves her, and we just dont give a care about her.(Her words). She always says when she dies she will haunt us all. Its truly tearing me apart. All i do is pray. I dont know what to do at this point to help. I feel like my hands are tied as a parent. Its a pretty awful feeling when you can suggest to your own child/young adult well just come stay with me out of fear what will happen next? I just feel crazy. I feel like a horrible parent to my daughter and that maybe alot of what she saying is true although i know its not. I love her and i just dont know how to help her. Her counsler through health core even tried intervening by taking them both to the homeless shelter when i had to put him out. They ultimately left the homeless shelter the very next day due to my daughter stating that the shelter had her messed up because they wanted to drug test her.
  A concerned mother of a 23 year old mentally unstable daughter

  LikeLike

  • 

    Prayer in the name of Jesus is good. You are not a horrible parent; your daughter is abusive, telling you lies. Regardless of the”cause” of her behavior, your boundaries matter because you matter! Of course, you love your daughter and have gone far and beyond to help. Boundaries are not about stopping the other person (because we have no control over them) but instead, drawing a circle around yourself and deciding what you will allow in your life. I recommend you write out your values and keep God and a relationship with Jesus at the top. Once you see what is important to you (besides your daughter) you can build a plan. What do you need? What can change? How will you change it? I am passing on your prayer request to others who pray.

    LikeLike

• 

  Please pray for my son. He has a mental issues and won’t except my help. I had to pay him to see a doctor. that couldn’t help him because of funding Over the years I have tried to get him help with counseling, we were told he would grow out of it despite his bizarre behavior. This is part of the problem in America for black people. I’m not saying everyone is that way, but healthcare is not always the same for minorities. I feel torn apart and fear for him, I want to help him, but he does not want my help. I feel like a failure as a mother

  LikeLike

  • 

    Mental illness in a child is not likely “the fault” of anyone. We can hurt people to the point they break, but that is not you because you obviously care for him very much. Have you seen a therapist for your information’s sake? A God-fearing licensed therapist will have insights you and I do not have on what diagnosis or other issues may be occurring. Some county and state hospitals (regular hospitals, not institutions) offer fantastic financial aid packages all the way down to free depending on location. If you haven’t, find out if meds or psychiatric care might be free. Other solid resources include ones I have listed on my resource pages. Healthcare in terms of mental health can be somewhat absurd in America. It is not available to everyone, not every professional has their own act together, and we do not have insurance parity. I am sorry it can be even worse for minorities. It can be difficult to go through the process of finding the right medication and sticking to it while battling mental illness simultaneously. I will pray for your son, definitely, and for you. Thank you for commenting. Blessings, Nancy

    LikeLike

• 

  Nancy,
  May God bless you. I know He brought my to your site. I am struggling with my 24 year old daughter being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and running away. She is homeless and I am a wreck.
  What you wrote is me. 😦
  Thank you for sharing and thank you for providing a place for all of us to read others’ stories so we don’t feel so alone.
  Patty

  LikeLike

  • 

    Patty, What a blessing your comment is to me. Prayers go up for you and your daughter.

    LikeLike

    • 

      Thank you!

      LikeLike

  • 

    Hi Patty, my 23 year old daughter ran away with a homeless guy she met on the internet. She walked away from a very comfortable life, her cat, and college (she was in her senior year). Now she is homeless, living out of her broken down car 800 miles away and refusing to come home. Has your daughter returned?

    LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  I adopted my grandson when he was 12 because my son and his mom died in a auto accident. My grandson is now 18 an had his first Psychotic breakdown of schizophrenic and was hospitalized twice within two weeks. He was given medication but now refuses to take them and says he’s fine now and nothing is wrong with him. So untrue. He isn’t well and still show signs of mental problems. He was seeing a Therapist and getting aftercare help until recently he cursed me and left my home to live with unknown friends. My problem is because he’s 18 the law gives me know rights and doctors and hospital Ignore me, telling me I also have know rights in gaining information on my grandson health or treatment. Therefore if he want to be homeless and not take his medicine it’s his choice. He dropped out of High School and now living as a Vagabond with know schooling and great Expectations of being famous football player. Life was easier when he as 17 I was able to protect him. I’m confused because if I can’t have rights over him while he’s ill and he not willing to take treatment or medication. He just wants to stay at my house and play in his PlayStation. Why would I want him to live with me? Should I let him hit rick bottom ? It hurts seeing him like this and watching his life go know where. Please give feedback
  Anne

  LikeLike

  • 

    Anne, first of all, I am sorry for the terrible loss of your son and daughter-in-law. Your grandson’s illness is a difficult one for those who have it and their loved ones. Whether he lives with you is a personal decision. Some parents decide to keep their home open for the sake of safety and to prevent their child from homelessness. Others cannot because of the nature and veracity of their loved one’s illness. Seek out what you can learn about schizophrenia. Ask for input from experts (I am not one) who deal with this topic with loved ones each day. The link I left in the post is a good place to start.

    LikeLike

  • 

    Disheartening and comforting at the same time …I feel validated in knowing other mothers are as heartbroken as myself and truly sad knowing how many youth are struggling with mental illness . The system is warped and none of it provides a solution .. only if your wealthy you might be able to afford a big fancy retreat treatment center at 200-300 a day . The youth shelters are a black hole of sadness and that is where my son lays his head at night . Noone seems to care about an actual solution . Let’s pack them in like stray dogs and not actually get to the root of the problem.. not enough youth transitional housing .
    My 21 one year old son who was once a superior athlete , funny charasmatic kid , no trouble , never touched drugs or alcohol is now a few days fresh out his second stay at a inpatient phych hosp. from a major mania episode and is now 3 days living at a shelter that makes me sick. He has been screaming about demons and angels for the last 2 years , sabatoged 2 college scholarships,lost multiple jobs , lived in streets saying he is on a journey .. been aggressive and violent and verbally abusive only to turn around a hour later and hug and kiss my head. Cops swore he was on meth but not one drug was in his system the hosp said . I have him a 4 and 2 year old and all I can do is focus on my mentally ill 21 year old . If I die how will he survive ??? He was discharged with a cab ride to shelter and no resources !! He cant come home due to his unpredictable moods and my little girls his baby sisters have seen enough already . But I’m sick to my stomach that Ive been forced to almost turn my back because my help is not helping ! And he doesn’t really seem to care he is at rock bottom . My own mental health and well being is affected and consumed by this . I put him on earth so I feel obligated to fix this . I pray and pray !!! Sometimes I wonder if this mental or the devil

    LikeLike

    • 

      Thank you for sharing. We need a serious overhaul of mental health services everywhere. I will pray for your son.

      LikeLike

• 

  Thank you for this. This has saved me for today. All I can say is I’m going through the exact same thing with my 25 year old son. He is in California and I’m in Alabama. I have called everyone I can think of. Homeless outreach, hospitals, police and no one can help him unless he accepts it. He won’t accept the help. I bought a plane ticket for him to come home. I drove 2 hours to Atlanta with his little brothers to pick him up. I circled around the terminal at least 20 times. I went in only to find out he never got on the plane. My finances are not so good anymore because of me trying to keep him alive. This is the most painful thing a mother can go through next to losing a child.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Melanie, You are welcome. and I agree about the pain level. Please take care of yourself- you matter too.

    LikeLike

  • 

    This has to be the most un-natural form of mothering I’ve ever had to do… every piece of me pure aches…. I hope I’m making the right decisions…
    my son is borderline schizophrenic, and has an addition. I feel guilty eating, drinking, sleeping, and even smiling at times… I feel hopeless, I’m sure he
    does too…

    LikeLike

    • 

      Hi Angie. You nailed it when you said “unnatural.” A child in pain is a terrible hardship for a mom; a child “lost to the streets” makes a mom ache. I am sorry for all you are suffering and for your son, of course. Please try to find a support group of other moms who get it, and take care of yourself. You matter too.

      LikeLike

      • 

        Thank you all for sharing your pain. It’s not easy thinking your alone in this. Your not…I also have an adult son living on the streets by choice(can they really choose in that psychotic state of mind?) He is in his 30’s now…it’s been the longest 15 years of my life. Looking for help in every place I could think of. Exhausting every lead humanly possible from health insurance, disability, rehabs, several hospital stays, in and out of courts, medical tests (hoping for a different diagnosis), housing (had his own place for a year and destroyed it…climbing through the piles weekly to clean so he didn’t lose his place) (can’t live with others as we’ve witnessed for many associated reasons) clean and sober for the most part now but the damage is done. Still refusing help and gets angry when suggested. Grateful for the calls and lighthearted conversations amidst the scrambled babble. They say he’s not sick enough for more that a 30 day tune up…been there too many times to count. Finally at the end of myself and living in the peace that only God gives. Letting go and learning to trust The One who made him. Knowing my prayers are heard and resting in the peace of Jesus daily. I know God is working in so many ways. Protecting, providing and so many we do not see. I recently hung a picture of him taken shortly before the nightmare began. I use it to pray for him, remembering all the good in him. One day God will restore him. Hang in there Sweet Mommas. It’s a long road, but praying God provide you the grace and peace He has shown me in the pain.

        LikeLiked by 1 person

        • 

          Beautiful encouragement. I’m sorry for your pain- and pray with you.

          LikeLike

        • 

          My daughter is 30. She is homeless & on meth & blues. She had a little girl that is almost 5 & had been with me for about 3 years now. My daughter hasn’t called me in 10 days which is not normal. She had never gone this long without speaking to her daughter, I am terrified. She got arrested for sleeping in a stolen car, caught with drugs in her. Released after 2 days & refused to talk to me about a plan, as she blames me for all of her misfortunes. Due to previous violent encounters she isn’t allowed to live with me. My heart is broken as I can see my granddaughter start to wonder where mommy is & why she isn’t calling or having visits. I am paralyzed with fear bc she hasn’t gone this longwithout calling before. It’s hard to not show my constant worry & put on a happy face for the baby. I can’t sleep, I feel guilty for eating, a shower, for rejecting my own daughter. I feel half dead myself, so tired so hopeless. I’m seeing behavior issues with my grandaughter & I need to get her into school. I’ve never been so overwhelmed in my life. How does this ever get back to good? How is this living?

          LikeLike

          • 

            If you have ever heard of Sheila Walsh, she is a Christian author and speaker who said something like, we walk with Jesus, but some of us walk with a limp. That is not an exact quote. It is true though, that life may not ever get back to the good you used to know. You may have to learn a new good. And you can! So can your grandaughter. Please see a counselor who can help you deal with this overbearing load of pain and false guilt. Take it all to Jesus, too.

            LikeLike

• 

  I never realized how many of me there are out there. Thank you for being a place I can come to and feel some solace in knowing my son isn’t the only one going through homelessness and that my sadness exists out there. I used to wonder what kind of mother would allow their son to be on the street. Didn’t they have moms who loved them? I used to ask. Now I’m that mother. I have to see my son occasionally sitting on a bench, disheveled, dirty, messy, and lonely. It is killing my spirit but knowing I”m still raising two other sons keeps me alive enough to see them through. My son can’t come home due to some scary psychotic episodes we experienced where I felt my life may be in danger. I pray for every parent in here suffering like I do. As I write, my son is entering a treatment facility for the 5th time. I pray that he will start knowing his value and that he is worthy of healing. He’s 25 and this has been going on for what seems like an eternity even though it’s been 8 years. I don’t know what else I can do after he turns 26 this summer. I won’t be able to provide him with health insurance and that terrifies me. Praying for miracles for all mommas and daddies who wish they could trade places with their children and spare them the pain and repercussions of untreated mental illness and addiction. thank you.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Thank you for a beautiful and bittersweet reply. We pray for all those whose children are lost to the streets.

    LikeLike

• 

  This is a group I never wanted or think I would be part of. Yes, I was one of them people that looked at homeless person and would say just work, why do nothing. Get help. Now, I see things different. My son of just turned 31. His dad passed two years ago. Even that he didn’t have much contact he had someone near him. He had a job and home. Then lost his home, didn’t seem to be looking for a new one. Didn’t seem to want to work. Always someone to blame. All things i gave him he has lost. He is down to a back pack. I even wanted to pay for his phone just to have contact with him. I live on of country. Just to have a text. The need to know he is alive. I was thinking to get him a hotel room for three days so he would have a place over Christmas. But then not sure that would do anything, His birthday was just a few weeks ago. I sent him money. The only thing I can do. But I’m not sure if that is good. Don’t know if he is on drugs. A friend of mine said she saw him and he looked clean and good. He tells me how he needs food. Maybe just playing me. I ask him if he can get food stamps or a food kitchen etc. Then the text will stop. That kills me. I have ask him if he wants to come live with me or even have a stay. Yes, all I want is for him to be safe. When people ask me how is your son…..I smile and say oh great. I can’t even tell them how he is and that he is homeless. Just want to know how to help him. My friend ask me has he ask for your help? I said no. Then he does not want help. I don’t know. Its Christmas Eva and I want nothing but my son to text me. One more day of knowing he is alive.

  LikeLike

  • 

    I can only imagine the pain you feel. I have prayed today that he will contact you. Even if he does not, what I wrote in the blog is true. There is only so much we parents can do. Leaving a homeless adult child in the hands of God is not easy, but it will give you rest. Jesus loves you and your son. I and other believers will pray for him.

    LikeLike

• 

  It is terrible that so may of us have to suffer through the pain of a mentally ill child- mine has paranoid schizophrenia . My son is 24 years old and has been living on the streets since he was 18 years old, well when not in jail. Sadly, I am thrilled when he is in jail because I know where he is, that he is fed, and might actually have to take his meds. He has just spent 9 weeks in jail and was medicated. Called me every single day for the past 4 weeks making sure I found him a recovery program so he would not have to go back to the streets as he is afraid another violation would send him to prison… I made many phone calls and agreed to pay $550 a month plus the cost of food to provide him a safe recovery environment. He was released from jail, but NEVER SHOWED at the housing. I am so depressed. I feel that he will live like this (completely unnecessarily) for the rest of his life. Please keep this California family in your prayers- I will do the same for you all, as well

  LikeLike

  • 

    Thank you for sharing. I, and other readers of your comment will indeed pray for your family.

    LikeLike

• 

  I dont have a specific mental illness identified but I am fairly certain that is what I am dealing with. My adult son does not live with us .in his mid 30s now. He held jobs successfully for years in his early to mid 20s but none seemed to work out long term. He left on his own to go back to school in his mid 20s but then went from job to job until he finally just started doing off jobs..no full employment.
  He now stays with different friends..swears he is not on the street but living the way he wants. He ad.its he suffers from anxiety but will not see any body about it. We have offered to offer support in getting help but he does not accept. We have sporadic communication mostly by text and almost always initiated y me. If we arrange transportation, we see him occasionally, every month or
  so. I live my life in constant worry and with way too little sleep. I don’t know that I can just let go completely. I am always holding out hope that he will be tired of living this way and turn things around but I am afraid he is slipping away further. Not sure what to do so I just keep trying to stay connected to him in some way.
  He was always so bright, so independent, well spoken..I don’t know what has happened.
  I don’t think it is drugs but cant be sure anymore. He does like to gamble but does not make much money in his odd jobs .
  When we do see him he seems okay but has no direction or plans and gets extremely agitated if we question him on what he plans to do.
  Should I be talking to a professional on how to help him..I know I need to take care of myself but this is eating away at me and what is left of my family.

  LikeLike

  • 

    HI Anonymous,. I am a firm believer in gathering as much wise input as you can. You may have other people who are supportive, but a trained, experienced professional will have insights the rest of us will not. One of the purposes of therapy is to teach us how to cope with difficulties so we can move on to live more satisfying lives. As for “letting go completely”, of course not. We moms will not ever be able to do that that nor should we. Your comment is I suspect a tiny version of the hundreds of thoughts that run through your mind. My post is referring to managing your own mental health when your child is homeless and possibly mentally ill. That includes prayer and trusting God. It is not nothing to pray in Jesus’ name for our children. We will never let go completely, but we can know peace.

    LikeLike

    • 

      Hi, my son sent me this,
      “Stop it. Leave me alone. Last warning and I’m deleting my email and changing my number”
      he has fear of dentists/DR’s and is very ill with infection in his tootth for months now to point he vomits.
      So do I just wait, do I say anything?
      I gather he has already taken the steps he mentioned or if I reply he will?

      LikeLike

      • 

        Mary, these are great questions. Your son has the answers. Since I am not a professional and do not know your son, I’m sorry but cannot answer your questions definitively. I would believe what he says and choose actions accordingly.

        LikeLike

• 

  Still not understanding how a parent or loved one could just move on with their life. My daughter was on medication for over 20 years and now stopped taking her medication and is on the streets. Do I just move on with my life and continue to take care of her two kids and dog? Don’t think so, i will do what ever it takes to save her.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Thank you Judy for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear of you and your daughter’s current challenges. My article was written with the emotional health of the parent in mind (as supposed to constant worry). The concept of trusting Jesus with our children is one that brings me peace.

    LikeLike

  • 

    What can we do? I need help with my mentally ill, homeless, son.

    LikeLiked by 1 person

    • 

      Jayne, Please read through my replies to other comments. You may find some thoughts and sources there to help.

      LikeLike

• 

  Over the spance of 60 years, I have had an anurysm burst in the center of my brain, went through an 11 hour brain surgery, went through two straight years of every kind of therapy you can imagine, lost three cildren to chid birth,had at least six major operations, and have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown BUT nothing has compared to pain and distress of having an adult son who suffers from Schizo-Affective Disorder, which is basically bi-polar and schizophrenia. I don’t know what to do for him, or for myself at times. The behavior that comes from both the illness and his anger from having the illness has almost destroyed my marriage and our entire family unit. I now realize that he has noone but me and that everyone in my entire family has shun him rightfully so due to his behavior. Now he has been evicted from our home but has no where to go. I never wanted him to be homeless but he’s too hard to live with and I don’t know what to do for him or with him. He feels like his father and I don’t love him, but we do.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Sharon, This is heartbreaking. There are insights on previous comments to this post, and also listed resources you may want to read. However, it is my concern that you find a way to accept this difficulty and live your life to the fullest. I don’t know if you are a believer, but when I know my grown children are in God’s hands, it is easier to let go. I have no pat answers, but will pray for you, your family, and your son.

    LikeLike

  • 

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m feeling desperate to help my 35 year old son. Been going through this for 17 years.

    LikeLike

    • 

      This is not a small issue affecting only a few. I’m sorry to hear your story, and will pray.

      LikeLike

  • 

    Itruly share your your pain. I’m living the exact same story word by word. Never thought my son would ever become a statistic. IM SO AFRAID! can’t reason with him. I try to make him feel better of him self he’s 2 busy hating the world HIs behavioral problems with his mental Health. I not sure if he taking his meds. He doesn’t want 2 be homeless, is behaviorally has been just out of control. Its causing me extremely distress
    My man of 20 years doesn’t want him around zhe has no children of his own,& no understanding My family wants nothing to do with
    him as well .All of this is slowly killing me Robin

    LikeLike

    • 

      It will never be easy. However, as I wrote about prayer, it is more restful to trust our children to God’s care than to try and fix what we have no control over. I’m sorry for your pain and struggle.

      LikeLike

• 

  My son is 25 years old. He lost custody of his 2 daughter’s. She left to Utah to live. He is in California homeless. I have always offered him help. With food or doctor’s appointments if he needed to go get help. He refused everything that came from me. Today he calls me at 5am asking me for help. He said he was hungry that he was sorry to bother me. He said he has come to his lowest to contact me for food. It hurts me to see him this way. He was struggling with alcohol and drugs after he lost his daughters.
  Now I just don’t know how to help him.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Edith, What you can do is share with him the resources listed on this website. I know you encourage him as much as possible.

    Here are a couple extra resources that may provide some answers: https://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/california.html ; http://www.homelesstoindependence.org/california-emergency-services/

    God answers prayers. I really do pray for people who contact me. I’ll be praying for your son.

    LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  My daughter is 27. She got on pills to try and cope with loosing custody of her Daughter. She messed up big time and kept messing up. She has been off pills for 2 months and has nowhere to go. She is staying with my mom at the moment but, my mom hates her. She is calling her names and always telling her to get away from her. My daughter is trying and has come a long way. She is facing the fact she will be homeless in 2 months. I wish I could provide a place for her. She has changed and trying to find a job but can’t. Please can anyone help her

  LikeLike

  • 

    She is also bipolar😢

    LikeLike

    • 

      Christy,
      Persons with bipolar may try to self-medicate through substance abuse. Drug abuse also can lead to bipolar disorder. So you can see, the combination of issues deserves special attention. Go to this link for clear explanations of dual-diagnosis.
      https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/bipolar-disorder/

      After reading their website, call them 24/7 with other questions.(855) 826-4464. You daughter’s situation is not helpless, however she does need support. I believe these people can point in the right direction. Every step forward is progress.

      Thanks for reaching out. Ask God to lead you and your daughter to wholeness and health. He will.

      LikeLike

• 

  Please pray for my 20 year old daughter – she left on a bus Monday, April 16th to go back to San Francisco – she only had enough money to make it to Kansas City where she stayed in shelters, etc. Then she gathered up money to make it to Denver, Colorado – now she is in a crisis center in Colorado – she was diagnosed there with anxiety, OCD, psychosis, and being bipolar. Now she can only stay in the center until Saturday – I don’t know what will happen to her then – PLEASE pray for her safety – and naturally I wish she would come home.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Hello Trish. My heart goes out to your daughter, and I hear your worry too. Yes, I will pray and ask others to also. I have a friend who experienced everything you say your daughter is going through, including being far from home when it happened. He credits God for protecting him and for giving him the normal and satisfying life he enjoys now. Hang in there, we serve a mighty God. Jesus loves your daughter even more than you do.

    LikeLiked by 1 person

• 

  Thank you for a thorough report; the insight is helpful.

  LikeLike

  • 

    Northsea,thank you for your encouragement! I am sorry I missed your comment for a whole month, have been having trouble seeing reports. I do appreciate you taking the time to write it, though!

    LikeLike

    • 

      My son is 42, and at times, suffers with severe psychosis. For the last 4yrs he has lived on the streets, refuses medication (he took his meds for many years prior to this) He looks and smells awful, but he’s my boy and I love him. What can I do, I’m getting old and I worry so much about him. Please help us.

      LikeLike

      • 

        Lin, I am sorry for the pain your son’s situation must be causing you. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do directly to help him. It is possible your son does not recognize he is ill. This lack of awareness is called anosognosia.

        Please make sure you are getting the support you need. That is how you can best help your son. Support groups for parents in similar situations can be found via local mental health clinics and local mental health organizations such as the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) or National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). These groups are informative and provide invaluable information and encouragement.

        I will pray for you and your son.

        LikeLike

• 

  My daughter has suffered with bipolar disorder since 17 yrs old. 42 now. Has held a job for several years at a time, has lived independently. Over past nine years has had psychotic breaks on and off with meds. Past year strong committment to be “chemically free”. Keeps choosing the street. She is now 42 years old. I am a widow over 70 years old. I have been coping with family
  mental illness since I was a child due to my dad’s bipolar. I have found a support group for parents of adults with children who have bipolar. Will attend first group next week. I am hoping this is my chance of living a life with less anxiety and constant guilt:should have, could have thoughts about our relationship. Also has devastating effects on our family dynamics. Understand she is sick as my father was, however, her selfishness is overwhelming. She has also taken to Facebook with unbelievable rage and disturbing videos which my family and friends see. To help myself this is what I do: exercise 4 days a week, volunteer several days a week, have strong ties to my faith and go to bible study. Would like to hear how other parents are taking care of themselves and moving on with their lives under these crueling circumstances. Since our children are focused on self destruction, I think how we choose to keep ourselves healthy needs to be our priority for survival.

  LikeLiked by 1 person

  • 

    Thank you Camille for sharing all that. What a road you have traveled! I’m glad to hear all the self-care steps you are taking. You are wise to do so, and now are helping others by sharing your story.

    What breaks parents’ heart more than watching their children suffer? Yes, you MUST take care of yourself. Our adult children need our support, not necessarily our rescue. Rescuing rushes to handle all the adult child’s crises. Parents with a homeless and mentally ill adult child have to carve out for themselves their level of involvement.

    Boundaries are crucial in this. I honor those very difficult decisions you have had to make. I recommend my 9-part series on Compassionate Boundaries, as the information there may be of help.

    God bless,
    Nancy

    LikeLike

• 

  I do believe there is a stigma and that is so sad because some of the brightest and most creative individuals you would ever want to meet have serious mental illness. I believe that part of the issue is disconnect between community services. Law enforcement, shelters and behavioral health all want to do the right thing but don’t seem to work together. My son shuns sleeping inside as well. His sense of self worth is not there so he deprives himself of basic needs like housing and proper nourishment. Statistics show that one in 5 have autism. This is an issue that will be on our doorsteps in 10-15 years with many who cannot take care of themselves. The time to act is definitely now. Thank you for the links.

  LikeLike

• 

  My son is Mentally Ill and homeless right here in our small hometown. The conflicting emotions I feel each day are nothing to what he must feel. Bipolar, delusional, hungry, tired, unwashed. He knows he is welcome to come home and get warm, eat healthy food and sleep in a soft bed. He also knows we will help him get medicines that may help. He does not want any of these things and I worry for his safety every single day and night. He is at serious risk for violent crime, physical abuse and drug abuse because he is a kind and gentle soul. What can we do? Where can we go for help? As far as I have seen there is nowhere to find help and nobody to give us advice. We are on our own and must take each day as it comes. This issue is real and pressing and completely swept under the rug because people do not like to talk about it. My thought is that it will become more impactful as each day passes just like anything we don’t like to talk about. This is not going away. It will only become more prevalent in our “I don’t want to deal with that society”. The time is now to do something. We need to figure this out.

  LikeLike

  • 

    I am deeply sorry for your son’s suffering, and yours too. After all, our children are our hearts walking outside our bodies, are they not? The painful bottom line is they are adults and cannot be forced to take care of themselves. Even having them committed to a hospital only lasts 24 or so hours. It’s frustrating because you and I know the illness is distorting their ability to reason.

    Thank you for bringing this up; it is an important discussion. In answer to your question, I believe stigma is the primary culprit, which is why I speak and write about these issues. Our churches are historically the frontrunners in aiding the needy, yet are ill-equipped to handle the unique issues of seriously mentally ill people. Sadly, there is religious stigma too which blames rather than restores those with mental illness. The govenment is lagging in protecting these citizens for some of the same reasons (and you can bet greed plays a role.) I think what needs to be done is best explained in the following article. You are spot-on; if we as a society don’t stop throwing people away the problem will continue to get worse. You can read the complete APA article at: http://bit.ly/1NoGjsf

    From the AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION:
    16 percent of the adult homeless population has a severe mental illness. In some larger cities, such as New York City and Chicago, that number is as high as 35 percent, estimates Paul Toro, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Wayne State University in Detroit who studies homelessness. Depression, bipolar and anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress disorders are the most common illnesses among this population… As many psychologists have found, getting housing for the mentally ill homeless is a challenging prospect.

    Psychologists’ research has found that programs seeking to help mentally ill homeless people need these key ingredients: respect for these individuals, housing options they’d actually like to live in and help securing treatment. When those factors are in place, research suggests, the homeless mentally ill have a launching pad that enables them to live a more self-sustaining lifestyle, and taxpayers have a more cost-effective approach than the current carousel of shelters, emergency care and incarceration.

    One obstacle to getting homeless people into housing programs is overcoming previous bad experiences they’ve had with shelters and support programs… [Researchers] found that, of 17 homeless people surveyed, all of them felt like they were being “being ignored, rushed, brushed aside or treated rudely,” according to the study. Thirteen reported they felt discriminated against and that they were dehumanized and disempowered when they visited community health-care centers. When asked about a particular experience with a health-care worker at a shelter, one responded, “[S]he just didn’t care. It was like you were a piece of meat.” Another said of his experience with shelters, “I got treated [poorly] the first time over there, and I’m not going to get treated like that, I’m not going through that again. I’d rather sit here and die on a bench than go over there.”

    Determining the kinds of experiences that encourage people to use housing services is the goal of Alisa Lincoln, PhD, MPH, a sociologist at Northeastern University in Boston. She and her colleagues interviewed 16 people living in the Safe Haven, a transitional shelter in Boston that gives residents their own lockable room and allows them to stay as long as they’d like. The residents Lincoln studied had active substance abuse issues and other mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and PTSD.

    The researchers concluded that homeless people are looking for a place that respects them as fellow humans and adults; a place that feels like home and offers some privacy; and a place that doesn’t have too many rules and restrictions. The theme of respect popped up in interviews over and over again, Lincoln says.

    “For many people with a serious mental illness, being housed has meant accepting being treated like a child,” she says.

    One resident in the study stated that, “When [a Safe Haven staffer] brought me over and she told me I would have my own room and I would have my own key to the room, that clicked in my head. I don’t care how bad it is, I don’t care who lives there or anything else, it’s got to be better than where I was.”

    Interestingly, even when they settled into the Safe Haven, residents still chose to occasionally sleep outside. The Safe Haven only requires residents to spend two nights a week at the shelter during their first month there.
    “Some slept outside because they still had a network and a community on the street, but it seemed that people mainly slept outside because they were slowly adjusting from living outside to living inside,” Lincoln says.
    She says her research shows that unless shelters are willing to tailor their housing programs to seriously mentally ill homeless people’s needs, then they are likely to remain homeless. Just to stay alive on the streets, people develop fierce independence, she says, so programs that don’t respect that independence will often fail.

    LikeLiked by 1 person

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.